I'm not here anymore

goodbye blogger

2008-07-04T16:32:00.003-04:00

dear blog reader,

i've moved. you may now find me at fromsjw.wordpress.com.

with love,

sjw

it actually wasn't sudden.

2008-07-03T22:05:00.006-04:00

i suppose i bring this upon myself. from the outside, i'm sure it looks like i make decisions rashly.

nothing could be further from the truth.

i made a fairly major personal decision this past week. it was something that i had been considering for quite some time. but because i didn't have peace about it, i didn't discuss it with anyone. i didn't even talk with ty about it much. i just don't operate that way. i need the opportunity to think though all aspects of a situation and reach a conclusion before sharing it. of course i periodically ask individuals i know well - and who know me well - for opinions while i'm processing. but those people are few.

once i've reached a decision, i'll pass it by ty and maybe one or two other people depending upon the significance of the matter. if i'm comfortable putting my thoughts into words and can be okay with the reality my decision will create, then i go forward. unfortunately, i go full-force head on.

the problem i encounter is this: by the time i share a decision with my friends, i'm psyched but i don't necessarily get met with the same amount of enthusiasm. i understand that it's often because the individual i'm speaking with hasn't had an opportunity to reflect on what i'm doing or have done. they are blindsided and might be too surprised to be excited. depending on how much i respect or love a person, his/her lack of excitement ends up feeling hurtful. very hurtful. it also severely shakes my confidence.

so to some of you whom i've thrown a zinger at recently, please know that i had peace about the decision before i acted upon it. and i need your support and encouragement desperately. if i didn't feel your approval was necessary, i wouldn't have shared my thoughts with you.

one more thing. if you disagree with a decision i make or am about to make, just say so (keeping in mind that i absolutely do not think it's okay to spout out what you're thinking without consideration, kindness and respect). i'd rather feel the discomfort - and maybe even the disappointment or pain - of being questioned by a friend who loves me than dance around the issue and find out later that you were exactly as upset, aggravated, doubtful or concerned as i had thought.

i hate this crap and can't wait until this is behind me, no matter what the outcome.

important public service announcement

2008-07-02T23:37:00.003-04:00

this is by far the MOST important PSA on gun control you will ever have the opportunity to watch.

thanks to paul for sharing this with me. i obviously need to spend more time on youtube.

reflections from the twilight zone

2008-06-30T14:42:00.004-04:00

morning.
vbs songs still stuck in my head.

lunch.
i took our church deposit to the bank. i put my umbrella on the floor and dug my oh-so-inconspicuous money bag out of my laptop messenger. as i pulled the money out and set it on the counter, i realized a quarter was missing. A QUARTER. grrr. i didn't have my purse with me, or i just would have just taken care of it. oh well. i'll catch it up next week. i walk outside the bank, open my umbrella and a quarter falls on my head. sigh.
"loose plate keeps fallin' on my head...."

afternoon.
i've been fighting with a state website trying to submit some records to close out the 2008 year. i decide it's time for some chocolate. yum! i was given four dagoba bars over the weekend, so i opened one up. bar name: xocolatl. ingredients: dark chocolate, chilies & nibs. um...i don't do chilies, but i thought, "what the hey. everything is good when it's in chocolate! right?" yeah. that's a big NO. i'm sure the chocolate part of the bar is great. unfortunately, i can no longer taste it because MY MOUTH IS ON FREAKING FIRE.

strangeness today. much strangeness.

wanted

2008-06-30T09:42:00.005-04:00

WANTED: one friend for short trip to Busch Gardens VA, 8/3 (after church)-8/5. Two night stay in a nice location, excellent companionship (sjw, ty, daniel), transportation provided. One full day in theme park with multiple roller coaster rides. Opportunity of a lifetime! Contact sjw for further details.

Zombies, dumb asses, and wimps need not apply.

most memorable

2008-06-28T08:37:00.003-04:00

sounds bites and other moments from or related to VBS:

From the "research trip" to PKI

Josh at PKI talking about The Crypt: "Not for kids, but not for adults either!"
Josh at PKI, pointing to the Skyline Chili sign: "Hey kids! Choose Jesus, not Skyline!"
Matt to Andrew on Flight of Fear: "Costa, I love you!!!!"

VBS emails

In an email sting: "I hate it when they forget the period." [Ass. Pastor]
Email subject line to mdog: "What to Expect When You're VBSing"

Skit time!

Patrick as Voice Over Guy: "Captain Matt, shaking that!"
Matt to kids: "Who wants to turn SonWorld into a golf course?" VBS kiddo in response: "We do!"
Matt, as he looks at Killjoy's golf course plans: "There's no water hazard for me pirate ship!" followed by complete silence from the kids, who have no idea what a water hazard is....
Serena to Matt: "Hey! I need the mic!" Twice.
Killjoy to Matt: "Why do you have that silly grin on your face?"
Matt to Killjoy: "You don't know Jack!" Enter Ian, totally taking Andrew down.

With the kids

Kiddo to Buttercup about Thursday's skit: "The only thing you taught us is to fight!!!" [aaa!!!]
Buttercup to preschooler: "Pinkie promise?" Preschooler offers Buttercup his middle finger.
Skipping back to Central with a kiddo who had a small injury.
Scooter racing at recreation time. Oh my.
Kiddos pointing to their bottoms as they recite their daily verse for me. Way to help them remember their verse, Costas!!!
Watching the kids dance with Lara and Scott. MOST ENERGETIC VOLUNTEERS. EVER.

Stories from the volunteers

Andrew during bible story: "The house was too crowded for them to bring their paralyzed friend to Jesus. What would you do about all the people?" Preschooler: "We could kill them and remove the bodies!"
Heather during bible story: "What does paralyzed mean?" VBS kiddo: "Constipated!"
VBS kiddo to Kelsey: "You hate princess buttercup!!!" Kelsey: "No! We're sisters..." Good save, Kelsey. Good save.

With the volunteers

Kelsey: "I'm princess BETTERcup!
One of my FAVORITE volunteers: "Why would I go to the AFTER after party? I've got a nice glass of sherry waiting on me at home."
Geoff's button: "Team up with Buttercup!"

SonWorld Adventure Park. What an AWESOME ride!

I'm grateful for the opportunity to serve with the VBS leaders this year. And thanks to everyone who helped, gave, and prayed for our kids. :-)

Until next year.....

more than you'll ever know

2008-06-26T16:21:00.002-04:00

a brief chat between sjw and mdog. posted with permission.

sjw's new status message - prefers consistent mistakes on her test. random badness is...bad.
[one minute later]
sjw's new status message - perfers consistent mistakes on her test. random badness is...bad.

mdog: ok. is the misspelling intentional?
me: well....no. of course not. i'm one of the worst spellers ever.
mdog: mmm. well.
me: i had it right, but then i changed it.
mdog: i enjoyed that it was 'corrected' hehe
me: if google had speel check, i'd totally use it. oh well.
mdog: LOL omg.
me: ??
[insert pause in chat, then dawning realization]
LOL
mdog: :)
me: HAHAHAAA
mdog: fantastic.

and the winner of thursday's typo of the day award goes to....

record breaker

2008-06-24T22:14:00.003-04:00

last year's vbs opened with 27 children. this year we began with 44. tonight, we broke our record attendance from last year. 54 kids.

awesome.

but that wasn't the best part of the evening.

neither were the lights or music or dancing. and let me say that the dancing ROCKS.

it wasn't the games we played outside - although scooter relay in a princess dress is hard to top!

it wasn't even the opening skit, which was completely hilarious thanks to a suggestion from my friend matt (he might just be the best pirate i've ever seen).

as i walked into the sanctuary during closing assembly, a leader said someone in her group wanted to talk with me. i walked over and nearly all of the kids in the group stood up and gathered around me. this wasn't a group of young children, mind you. i'm talking about some of the older kids.

they made three crowns for me (fyi - i play the part of a princess. out of character for me? you bet!). three crowns. and they recited their Bible verse without my asking them to do so.

i think vbs may be the greatest thing i've ever been a part of. seriously. i hope these kids never forget it.

i won't.

i couldn't have said it better

2008-06-21T18:54:00.004-04:00

being in the office on a saturday definitely has its perks. no calls, silence, and i can wear whatever i want. best of all? i can pull out the iPod. i'm so much more productive when i can listen to music while i work.

i had the song 'dead man (carry me)' - jars of clay - stuck in my head so i put on the good monsters album. i haven't been terribly impressed with this one but occasionally i get in the mood to hear it. 'good monsters' has this theme of knowing what is right but struggling - and sometime failing - to do it running throughout. there is one particular song with an intro that really turns me off - 'oh my god'. (that's the name of the song. bad intro, worse name.) but today i let the song play.

the lyrics are incredible and i just wanted to share some of them with you. of course, it's better with the music since you can't really get a feel for the rhythm or phrasing...but here it is anyway.

Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense

love songs for my laptop - a playlist

2008-06-20T17:01:00.003-04:00

Against All Odds (Take a Look At Me Now) - Phil Collins
All By Myself - Celine Dion
All Out of Love - Air Supply
Don't Give Up On Us - David Soul
Every Time You Go Away - Paul Young
Faithfully - Journey
Have I Told You Lately (That I Love You) - Rod Stewart
How Am I Supposed to Live Without You - Michael Bolton
How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You) - James Taylor
I Don't Want to Miss a Thing - Aerosmith
I Need You - America
I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston/Dolly
Parton
If You Leave Me Now - Chicago
I'd Die Without You - P.M. Dawn
Missing - Everything but the Girl
Never Say Goodbye - Bon Jovi
One More Night - Phil Collins
Quit Playing Games With My Heart - The Backstreet Boys
Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx
She Drives Me Crazy - Fine Young Cannibals
Somewhere Out There
Unbreak My Heart - Toni Braxton
Unforgettable - Natalie Cole
Water from the Moon - Celine Dion
You Are Everything - Diana Ross
You Were Meant for Me - Jewel
You've Got a Friend - James Taylor

macbook, it's good to have you home.

playlist created from http://www.theromantic.com/lovesongs/main.htm

toast

2008-06-17T13:07:00.003-04:00

my hard drive. toast.

such a bummer.

on the upside, i was able to make some last minute VBS costume purchases while at the town center. i picked up a tiara and some completely awesome shoes. yep. i totally bought them AND i plan to wear them to work tomorrow.

i've been practicing buttercup's voice, also. maya loves it and says i sound just like a princess. jenn thinks it's creepy. they are both right. i'll be sure to post a pic of buttercup as soon as i have one.

four

2008-06-13T12:53:00.004-04:00

One.
A picture of my brother playing RB drums at the Willow Creek Arts Confrence.

Two.
The first vid made from our VBS KI shoot.

Three.
Nice headline. Geesh.

Four.
“Each day is a special gift from God, and while life may not always be fair, you must never allow the pains, hurdles, and handicaps of the moment to poison your attitude and plans for yourself and your future. You can never win when you wear the ugly cloak of self-pity, and the sour sound of whining will certainly frighten away any opportunity for success. Never again. There is a better way.”

Og Mandino (American Essayist and Psychologist, 1923-1996)

Enough said.

appreciated

2008-06-10T22:49:00.005-04:00

between our home being for sale, visit from relatives, VBS coming up and dealing with a fairly brief (i hope!) flair up of pain, it's been a rather hectic week and i have completed neglected my blog.

i traveled with a couple of guys to kings island today to shoot video footage for VBS. it was incredibly crazy but very productive. i think we've got our skits/assemblies outlined now and i'm confident the kids are going to love it. of course, we managed to ride just a few coasters while in the park.

we did some shooting on and around the fairly odd coaster (formerly the beastie), rode vortex, the beast, firehawk, flight of fear, the racers, flight deck, and the backstage stunt cars (formerly the italian job). not to mention two spins on the drop zone! while the beast will always hold a special place in my heart, i must confess that the best ride of the day was flight of fear. the last time i rode this (in 1997), i hated it. HATED. but they've changed the restraints and i thought the ride was much better. the worst ride of the day award goes to backstage stunt cars - i just wasn't impressed.

i'm still up in the air on firehawk. it's a 'flying' coaster. you sit down, strap in and then your seat reclines. you ascend the lift hill lying on your back, head up. after the lift hill, the train rolls so that you are on your stomach facing the ground. the rest of the ride is experienced either face down or on your back. completely wild. i cannot eve begin to describe how cool some of the elements were or how extremely freaked out i was throughout the entire freaking ride. no joke. i was scared out of my head.

surprisingly enough, the best part of the day wasn't the time in the park. we had a fabulous ride home. our conversation was excellent. there's nothing i love more than discussing the harder questions of my faith with friends who are able to hold different points of view from me without the talk turning into a fight. i was challenged in my thinking and given some different interpretation of scripture. it was so refreshing and pretty unexpected. :-)

to those of you who teach, lovingly correct, encourage and walk with me despite my quirks, thanks. your friendship is a gift.

out of touch

2008-06-03T16:54:00.003-04:00

first, to those who are posting comments - i see you, but i haven't had a chance to respond. things are a bit wild right now with vbs planning and other general life things.

now, onto what i'm really posting about today.

my little brother is 19 years old. yes - there is a small age gap between us, in case you were wondering. anyway, he called my cell today and left a message. it began "yo, home skillet!".

i have no idea what "home skillet" means, so i went to the most authoritative source i know - urban dictionary. i learned there that home skillet is a term of endearment. um, okay.

i shared this with my brother when i called him back. he didn't know what urban dictionary is.

i thought everyone knew urban dictionary.

now i don't know if i'm no longer cool because i don't know the lingo or if it's because i actually take the time to look the lingo up on a site that is evidently irrelevant to the 19-25 demographic.

argh.

that was different

2008-06-01T22:30:00.005-04:00

we've purchased three pistols since february. the first was ty's - a walther p99. i hated shooting his gun. seriously. a 40 with a heavy trigger pull and WAY too big for my girly hands. i dislike it so much that i'm not even going to link to walther's site. i thought it would be good to have a weapon in the house i could actually shoot if necessary, so i bought a ruger sr9 . ty decided to start going to competitions so another gun was in order. our most recent purchase: a para 18-9. i like it a great deal.

i know it's a little odd. but you're not surprised, are you?

note: depending on where you get your info from, only 10% of women at most own a handgun. i'd LOVE to see how many of those women are not married to a male gun owner. interesting stuff.

i went to my first competition today after some persuasion from ty and encouragement from a couple of other friends. practical shooting. i have had minimal experience shooting and no idea what to expect. i must admit i was a nervous wreck. in fact, i can't remember the last time i was so nervous - and that's saying something. i've spoken to an audience of 1000+ individuals, sang and played publicly, and i can eat most roller coasters for breakfast. i have little issue with calculated risks.

another note: some people talk more when they are nervous. i do not. if you're ever around me and i say almost nothing, odds are i'm freaking out a bit. or you've said something that's really pissed me off. no worries - you'll know the difference.

i'll not bore you with all the details. i will tell you that i had a great time despite my discomfortable with being one of only three female shooters present (this, dear reader, is a topic for another post). i didn't do quite as poorly as i anticipated and the people i talked with (including the officials...for the most part) were great. the results will be available tomorrow or tuesday, so stay tuned. i'll let you know just how badly i did.

i'm sure i'll improve next month. practice, practice, practice. ;)

back home

2008-05-31T08:33:00.004-04:00

the best part of traveling by far is returning home. i arrived in town early enough to pick maya up from preschool. her teachers shouted for her, she turned around, saw me, screamed and ran full tilt at me. she literally jumped on me and hugged me as though i had been away for months. i was only gone for two nights.

there have been a few times in her life that we've been together and i've said aloud, "i never want to forget this." that hug has been added to those moments. i stockpile these in my mind because i know that someday (in what will seem like the blink of an eye) she'll be gone and these memories will become incredibly precious.

another note on the trip: i did not go to cedar point. yep - you read that correctly. i was two miles from the greatest amusement park on the planet and i decided to enjoy the solitude of my room instead of the thrill of millennium force. cedar point will be there all summer for many years to come. a room to myself? that's once in a lifetime! besides, ty and i will be going to cedar point for his bday in july.

renamed!

2008-05-29T22:03:00.005-04:00

i've had this going through my mind for a while. despite having written, deleted, rewritten, and edited this post, i'm not sure i can get all of what i'm thinking and feeling out with any coherency {very odd for me!} so i apologize, dear blog reader, in advance for what will probably be a poor reflection on all the things that have been buzzing in my brain.

ready? {i'm certainly not, but....}

i'm all about patterns. it's part of what makes me good at some of the things i do. it is also, in some ways, how i find direction. there have been several events in the past few months or so that has made me stop and re-evaluate what it is i've been doing. my attitudes. my focus. my thought patterns. many of you reading this have been a part of this and you might not even know it...

really, it just makes me tired. i'm done with fighting against the fear that i'll never be what i thought i should have been. that i'll never even live up to my name. all the dissatisfaction that comes with misconceptions about what matters in life and what is expected from me. how many posts have i put up about this struggle? geesh. you'd think i would have thought about this much sooner.

as a wise person said, "you don't have to live this way." i have heard the line in my head frequently since hearing it in december.

so i think i'm done.

time to calm down. to stop caring about how others may or may not view me. to stop caring about the "could haves" and start focusing on the now and what has been given to me. because quite frankly, i've really been screwing some of it up.

birth. rebirth. it's all good. i can accept that i'll be unfinished for a little while longer.

the warmth of your embrace melts my frostbitten spirit

You speak the truth and i hear it

the words are I love you and i have to believe in You...

my hands are open and You are filling them..

You are the truth outscreaming these lies.

- Red Sam, Flyleaf

nonstop woooooo!!!!!!

2008-05-20T13:20:00.003-04:00

i am currently drafting a serious post full of depth and insight as well as planning some pretty big changes to {miSnomer}.

but now is not the time for that nonsense!

what brings me to {miSnomer} today, you ask? i was ruminating upon my summer plans and realized that this may be the second most exciting summer of my life (1999 will always hold first place).

2008 is officially "the year of the coaster."

may - cedar point. my favorite amusement park. i'm going one evening after my conference sessions, but i'll take what i can get! as long as i can ride millennium force and top thrill dragester, the short visit will be a success. and i get to ride SOLO. woohoo!

june - kings island. okay, it's true - i'm really going so we can get video footage for bible school. between shoots, i'm going to try to squeeze in at least 6 coasters: the beast (YESSSS!), flight deck, invertigo, flight of fear, firehawk, and backlot stunt coaster (probably THE dumbest name for a coaster ever).

august - busch gardens williamsburg. the goal: surviving a trip with three guys and riding 5 coasters: griffon (this coaster is THE reason for our visit.), alpengeist, apollo's chariot, the big bad wolf, and loch ness monster. busch gardens also has a very popular dark ride that i'm looking forward to experiencing.

october - walt disney world. this vacation is not just for my kiddo! i'll queue for three coasters: expedition everest, space mountain and big thunder mountain. i may or may not ride rock 'n roller coaster. depends on the line...

{i'm also priming maya for big thunder mountain. coaster riding is in her blood, so i know she'll love it.}

in other news...we've put our house up for sale. i must confess that it was a bit odd to see our home listed online. and i'm somewhat torn about moving. but moving to athens...mmm. short commute! (did you notice that this announcement came AFTER the roller coaster plan was laid out? this is not coincidental.)

life is good. more to come....

he shouldn't have asked

2008-05-15T11:08:00.002-04:00

i received an email from my vbs partner-in-crime today asking what i was thinking as far as my character goes. he suggested that i dress as a princess. so i googled "adult princess costume".

i liked this one the best.

although, this one is good, too.

and then there's this if we want to introduce a cultural element to the assemblies.

mmhmm. never ask sjw to be a princess. never.

i need to visit DC

2008-05-14T09:50:00.002-04:00

forget the historical sites. the museums and statues are overrated as a whole. the only reason i'd ever go back to washington dc is this.

thanks, mdog!!!

well...it's like this

2008-05-10T10:28:00.002-04:00

more cat pictures

i'm afraid we will need further documentation of your family size. i see you've listed 32 in your household....

can i love the guilty?

2008-05-07T23:19:00.007-04:00

welcome back, dear blog readers.

i have been keeping track of a few things i want to post on during my hiatus. today's post was going to be a bit of a feminist rant but i changed my mind as i was reading the news this evening.

i'm sure you've all heard about Josef Fritzl recently, but i'll fill you in just in case. dude was charged with rape in 1967. a series of recent events show that he also kidnapped his own daughter, raped her, fathered seven children with her (only six of whom lived) and kept her and some of her children (Fritzi's children/grandchildren) locked away in his basement.

this makes me ill.

cnn has an ap article online today that astounds me. here's the quote that nearly makes my head explode:

"[Josef Fritzl's laywer] said Fritzl was bothered by the fact that he was being made out to be a monster. He said Fritzl told him, "I'm only being portrayed as a monster and not as someone who committed monstrous acts."

i cannot believe something so ridiculous would be reported by the press. okay...maybe i can. but, still. grrrr.

whenever i read about people who commit horrific acts, i am dumbfounded by the knowledge that forgiveness is available to them. don't misunderstand. i hope this man can recognize the pain he has caused and admit his guilt for the sake of the ones he has harmed. i hope his family will recover fully and the children born out of his "relationship" with his daughter will find healing and the ability to lead a normal life.

but forgiveness for him? grace? mercy? i struggle with this.

"And everyone cries for the innocent;
You say to love the guilty, too."
-Caedmon's Call "Love Alone"

retreat

2008-04-24T09:39:00.003-04:00

dearest blog readers,

things have been a bit odd lately and i find myself starting to act...well, very un-sjw. so i will be retreating from life in general as much as possible so i can clear my head. do not worry, faithful blog reader, when you see that {miSnomer} updates aren't coming in your RSS for the time being. all is fine. i will return and be more like myself soon.

no comments needed, please.

yours,
sjw

zombie wisdom

2008-04-23T11:02:00.003-04:00

thanks to paul for sending me an email that included some vital zombie wisdom.

another zmobie killa' in the cyberworld has pointed out that no place should be advertised as 100% safe against zombies. yes, dear blog readers - this includes even the most carefully protected sites such as {miSnomer}. however, i have secured my blog and home for now and will leave my "100% zombie proof" sticker posted so visitors will know i am part of a community that is prepared to fight against the coming zombie virus outbreak and work toward preserving humanity.

the graphic by no means should indicate that i've dropped my guard.

i'm always alert and ready to act.

always on the lookout...

let's play a game...

2008-04-21T20:26:00.003-04:00

which is worse? (i love this game!!!)

A. thinking that you've lost the envelope that contains $25 in parking tickets and the check to pay them off
B. leaving your tickets and check at home on the day your tickets are due, resulting in your fine being doubled

A. fearing you've pissed someone off, but avoiding the individual so you don't have to deal with confrontation
B. talking to someone and finding out just how pissed at you they actually are

A. trying something different, only to fail in the end
B. maintaining status quo in exchange for security

A. maintaining a friendship when it's totally one-sided
B. risking frustration, anger, bruised feelings and other nifty negative emotions all for a one-sided friendship

A. no animals in the house
B. a barking cat (yes - you read that correctly. think a short 'meow' repeated several times in a row in the general direction of the deer in the front yard.)

okay, so with the exception of the first set, i actually do know 'which is worse'. man, do no-win situations suck or what?

sigh. good night, dear blog readers. i'm off to watch a movie with ty.

hmmm.......
A. transformers
B. american gangster

hee - just kidding!

read and respond. {but not here.}

2008-04-19T10:27:00.003-04:00

dearest blog readers,

a large volume of you found {miSnomer} thanks to paul. if you haven't already checked his blog today, or if you don't typically visit his site, please do so. he's published an excellent post on something i also struggle with, but haven't been bold enough to write about.

yours always,
sjw

what we've learned today

2008-04-17T19:23:00.003-04:00

1. never respond to messages via chat first thing in the morning, no matter how badly off guard the messages catch you. {especially when your daughter has an ear infection, you didn't sleep well and you have a horrible head cold. it's NOT a winning combination. and you'll have to end up having to apologize for taking your grumpiness out on others.}

2. coin tosses are an excellent way to make decisions.

3. incomplete idea + right thinking = not completely right.

4. surprise gifts of popcorn can brighten even the worst of moods.

5. groundhogs make a horrible thumping noise when you run over them.

trivial

2008-04-14T23:01:00.003-04:00

the 'christian' label means nothing in the political arena and political labels mean nothing in the kingdom of god. i'm so very tired of my faith being practically extorted to gain my vote and my vote being used by some to judge the validity of my faith.

i am a feminist. i am a conservative liberal (ha! we do exist!). i am proud to be a citizen of this country but this country is not where my primary allegiance lays.

i am your sister in christ. we are not enemies.

dear blog reader: this post is in response to political commentary i've read recently. it is also a reflection on my experiences as i've shifted from one side of the political isle to the other and as i've traveled across the theological spectrum. my first draft of this post was much, much longer.

for wednesday

2008-04-13T16:47:00.005-04:00

DISCLAIMER: lengthy post and personal subject ahead. psoting of comments without careful consideration of what follows or may result in banishment from {miSnomer}. proceed with caution.

my small group has studied prayer this year. we've been reading the book, 'prayer; finding the heart's true home' by richard foster. my opinion of the book overall is that foster either had too much to say and was asked to cut the book down to only one volume or he had little to say and had to add a large number of quotes and flowery language to what started as nightstand devotional. not that there aren't nuggets of truth tucked away in the pages. it's just that foster's style of writing doesn't speak to me. not at all.

last week's chapter was on healing prayer. foster shares several anecdotes about people who have been healed after he (and sometimes others) have prayed for them. he also says some really, really dumb things about healing.

but this post isn't a review of the chapter.

i completely believe that god is capable of healing the ill. it was a significant part of jesus' ministry and there are accounts of his followers performing and praying for healing throughout scripture. i've heard modern day reports of healing. there are individuals who see healing as one of their gifts. i myself have prayed that god would miraculously intervene and heal another.

i have prayed for healing for myself.

i have stopped.

i don't believe that it's "god's will" that any of us suffer. but i do believe that he does sometimes choose to not step in and stop suffering despite prayer, despite the holiness (or lack of) the individual and despite our lack of understanding. there are times when i can accept this and continue to trust god has my best interest at heart and will take suffering and turn it into something for our good. and i know he doesn't allow suffering without enduring it with us. i don't believe god looks at pain and calls it good. then there are the evenings when i am in enough pain that i can only sit and watch my daughter play, unable to join in. there are the days when i simply cannot think clearly, remember events correctly or concentrate long enough to do much of anything and it pushes me to tears of frustration. on some of those days, i'm no longer sure that god is completely good and is present with me.

it's difficult to share this. mostly because what i deal with is so misunderstood. everyone has pain now and again. everyone has days when they are tired or have trouble concentrating. and 'geeze, sjw. you look like you feel fine. maybe you just need to think about something different, seek counseling, take another advil, exercise, talk to another doctor...'.

you get my point.

i love the book of job. i love that job mourned, questioned, dealt with idiots and STILL refused to turn from god. and when i start to wonder why god doesn't heal someone - or me - i'm reminded that 1. god can be glorified by the sufferer's faith, 2. god can use suffering to teach others compassion and love (the rebuke of job's friends is something everyone should reflect upon) and 3. it's perfectly fine to endure suffering and question god and/or mourn in the midst of it.

so by wednesday, i need to pull these thoughts together and share my lack-of-physical-healing experience with my small group. i also want to share that i believe speaking 'truth' without love, not choosing one's words wisely when dealing with someone who is suffering and speculating on someone's spiritual condition when they struggle are some of the most ungodly, unloving acts possible. let's hope that wednesday is a good day and that i'm able to make more sense that i have here.

and the winner is...

2008-04-09T12:10:00.002-04:00

pixel.

since that name was up by four votes, i'm going with it. well, sorta going with it. we'll call her megapixel - meg for short. i like it.

kitty update: meg and media are getting along well. they follow each other around the house and bat at each other in play (no hissing!). i do fear they will plot to take over the wolfe home.

and thanks to paul for sending the blog bumper sticker to the right. very cool.

much going on in life, but really nothing blog worthy. {miSnomer} will probably be un-dead for a while as the next few nights are booked. unless, of course, i come up with something totally fabulous to say.

probably not.

she needs a name!

2008-04-07T10:33:00.004-04:00

and i can't decide.

please cast your vote for maria's new name. she's a little chubby (big belly), has tabby markings (think tiger stripes), is very happy and talks nonstop. she doesn't appear to be the mouser that media would be if we allowed her outside, but she might show more prowling potential after living with us a bit longer.

here is the picture that was posted to petfinder by her resuce organization:

the poll will close in two days. trusted blog readers, name the new kitty!

listening to nothing.

2008-04-06T14:23:00.002-04:00

i live near the middle of nowhere.

right now, i'm sitting on the deck that my husband and a family friend built in 2003. aside from my daughter's periodic hollering for me and ty's need to come talk every few minutes, the only other sounds i hear are chirping and the wind moving through the trees. {well, and the occasional airplane and semi truck on the highway} and if the silence weren't enough to calm my soul, there's the smell dirt, the breeze, the forest. it's lovely.

in other news....

we've added a new family member. a nearly two year old, female tabby cat. her given name is maria, but it's weird for us to call her that given our friendship with a certain someone. i'm open to suggestions. it needs to be something nerdy since our kitten's name is media. i was thinking of pages or greyscale, but nether name feels right.

woman has gun. ruger sr9. surprised? so was i. but i've been messing with ty's gun and enjoyed it. time for one of my own. so far, it's been pretty good. and yes, i can actually hit targets. for those of you who know me well, i'm not sure what you're more surprised with at this point. the fact that i own a gun or the fact that i can use it fairly well.

and finally, i'm going vegetarian. okay, at least i'm going to try it. this is day two of meatless-me. i'm doing it primarily for health reasons. i need to keep weight off {lessens the fibromyalgia pain} and i learned a couple of months ago that i have high cholesterol. my family also has a strong history of heart disease. i'm not expecting ty to join me in this nor will i keep maya from eating meat. i have at least one vegetarian friend. if there are any more of you out there and you wish to share how the transition went for you, please comment!

now, dear blog readers, it is time to close this post and take a nap. i'll probably blog on the gun and vegetarian switch again later. and i'm still considering that undead blog.... ;)

good advice

2008-04-04T17:34:00.002-04:00

i found this article very informative. see? there are others out there who share my enthusiasm!

you know, i'm seriously thinking about creating a companion blog to {miSnomer}, dedicated to all things undead. hmmm....

follow me and live.

2008-04-02T09:28:00.002-04:00

what? you didn't really think i had some profound theological insight based upon the title of this post, did you? ;)

with love,
your fearless zombie killa'

*thanks mdog for the pic. i appreciate our friendship more and more everyday. :-x

NOT a good idea.

2008-03-31T21:10:00.003-04:00

dearest blog reader,

sunshine, singing and smiling faces in the morning are NOT a good idea if you wish to be my friend. or if you desire to continue life without an alarm clock permanently lodged in your...well, you get the point.

take a look at what mdog posted today for an example of behavior that will lead to violence if you are within a 100 ft radius of me prior to my 15 minutes of alone time in the morning..

yours truly,
sjw

i'm not a doctor, but...

2008-03-29T00:36:00.003-04:00

stomach holes might be a problem.

yes, horror genre fans. i'm referring to...

horrorfest. after dark's 8 films to dies for, 2007. my bday gift from hubby. ty, my little bro, mdog and i watched two of the eight movies last night (okay, so the second film started early this morning. whatever.).

tooth & nail
post-apocalyptic "horror". the verdict? well....the commentary was good. it was nearly an episode of mst3k in our living room. that's really how it's supposed to be when watching these types of movies. my number one suggestion for tooth & nail: more killing, less story/character development. please.

memorable quotes:
"i ate them"
"i'm not a doctor"
"what's your plan?"
"i gave him three shots."

memorable moments:
animal noises signal time of day
the clouds don't move in stills. next time, use timelapse. much more effective.
bring out the boomstick! (evil dead, i salute thee.)

double feature night continues with:
borderland
somewhat more frightening. much better acting. much. it's either inspired by or based upon a true story (someone forgot to clue the folks in at lionsgate - those two phrases mean totally different things.) it's decent. quite a bit of grotesque violence (i mean, is it really necessary or scary to show a person's hand being cut off? i think not.), but that's to be expected.

memorable quotes:
"i need someone young and...soft."
"you just lost your tv privelges, b&%$@"

memorable moments:
sexy. soft and sexy is what the line should have been.
wtf was up with the tattoo, dude? that's making a huge statement...
no gringos were harmed in the making of this film.
media approved. it was nearly impossible to pull her away from the television stand.

next horrorfest showing: crazy eights and unearthed. mmm....movie candy mix. popcorn. 2 liters.

who's in? ;)

questions that guide my evening

2008-03-25T18:32:00.004-04:00

several months ago {i know! {miSnomer} is six months old. i can't believe it!}, i published a post titled "questions that guide my morning". here are the questions that come to mind as my day continues...

isn't it 5p yet?

where did i park my car?
where are my car keys?
where is my phone?
do i have my car keys?
where did i park my car?

what do i want for dinner?

what did my daughter do in preschool today?
why can't my daughter tell me what she did in preschool today?

why does my daughter always want fast food?

is it possible for me to talk on the phone without interruptions from the kiddo?

what will i do when maya sings 'i think i'm paranoid' in public?
will people think i'm a bad parent for letting her listen to 'garbage'?

where's my husband?
where's my cat?

what are we going to play tonight?

is this bath night?

which wonder pets episode will we watch tonight?

what's on my to-do list for this evening?
what will i read tonight?

god?

unanswered

2008-03-24T20:15:00.005-04:00

the wives' tale says that death comes in threes. today our office lost a staff member. it was unexpected, although this individual had been dealing with some health issues. i just joked with my colleague on friday. it seems unreal that this individual will no longer be with us and i feel horrible for the family and friends who are suffering the loss of a person who didn't live to see old age.

***

can we pray for the dead? we don't really believe they have stopped existing just because they are no longer physically with us.

does god demonstrate mercy to those who had little likelihood of accepting him in this life? {dear blog reader, i am not questioning the state of my coworker's soul. i'm merely reflecting on my questions concerning eternity.}

if we, the church, fail to demonstrate god's love and kindness to a person, or if an individual is hurt by christians {which is bound to happen} to the extent that it would literally take a miracle for him/her to return to the church, how is that person judged? does god show no mercy to a creature who has lived with such pain?

if you believe that a child, who has never had the opportunity to fully hear or understand the gospel, can be accepted into heaven, then why wouldn't a person of any age who grew up being taught that christianity is a lie be shown grace, too?

can salvation be lost? what if i accept god and one day renounce him? what if i merely become apathetic?

are open rejection of god and failure to respond 'appropriately' to the gospel really the same things?

how can we believe that an individual who commits suicide is unconditionally condemned? if a person is destroyed to the point that he/she truly considers his/her life invaluable and makes the wrong decision thinking that it is the best {or only} course of action, would god hold the person accountable for their inability to overcome this despair? {what do we believe about mental illness?}

do we really believe that god's mercy and love exceeds our understanding?

will i be surprised by the individuals i find in heaven?

will you?

wallflower...

2008-03-20T14:16:00.002-04:00

...is a verb. don't believe me? see what happens when you stuff 20+ perople into my 1500 sq ft home.

it's my party and i'll wallflower if i want to.
i wanna wallflower all night and party everyday.
everybody's gonna wallflower tonight.
wallflower if you want to.

see? totally a verb.

yep. i'm starting to get a little nervous. it seemed like such a good idea. all my friends present (almost). music. food. rock band.

do not be surprised if {miSnomer} is neglected over the next few days as i recover.

uncertain

2008-03-19T11:52:00.003-04:00

stress. stress. stress.

time to prioritize and make some decisions. schedule "me-time". breathe.

i'm a planner. it's in my nature. asking me to NOT plan is like asking a plant to survive on a diet of mountain dew instead of water. it doesn't work.

work.

that's the problem.

i didn't plan on this being so difficult.

i love my job. really. i like what i do a great deal. it's stressful and things seem to constantly "break". congress does stupid things and then the Department issues horrible guidance that makes me want to cry. but i'm good with this. and i love knowing that what i do can make a significant difference in peoples' lives.

what i don't love is the ten hours a day i spend away from home (including my lunch and commute). it's difficult to balance my job responsibilities, personal responsibilities, motherhood, wifeness, desire to see my friends on a regular basis and still have time to scrapbook, read, see movies...you get the picture.

so i've been thinking that something has to go. i don't want to give up working. in fact, i really do want to stay in my field. it's challenging. keeps me on my toes. however...once my income is no longer "needed" in our home (who cares about saving for college or retirement, right?), i don't know if it's worth it.

but who am i without my job? it's what i do. it's a good fit. i am an administrator. i live for this crap! can i be a part-time employee? could i be content to take on my home as a career? i'm pretty sure the answer to both of those questions is "NO!". sometimes i wonder though...

am i doing what i'm supposed to be doing?

sigh.

{what you have just witnessed, Dearest Blog Reader, is me processing this mess. i don't talk though things - i write them down and mull over them. then, and only then, i put my opinions/conculsions out there for people. until now, that is. i suppose that this crisis is also related to the coming birthday...}

of course she's not normal

2008-03-16T09:00:00.005-04:00

a quick post for animal lovers:

we've had our kitten, media, since the end of january (note: this is the name she came with - i cannot be held responsible). she's been a great addition to our family.

but, she's not normal.

i've been impressed at her ability to jump over and climb on everything. this behavior is probably the norm for cats - i don't really know since this is the first one i've lived with. but, i'm certain what happened this morning is atypical.

she jumped from her tower to our kitchen island and then to the counter near the edge of the sink. she did this three times. the last time she chose to display her superior gymnastic skill, ty was in the kitchen when she sprang across room. she started to get into the sink which cannot be allowed for multiple reasons (include the safety of kitty). so, ty turned on the water and gave her a quick spray. she flinched, shook the water off, looked down and began licking the water pooled at her feet. at no point did she meow, run, or show fear.

just my luck.

but would i?

2008-03-12T22:52:00.003-04:00

regrets. failures. challenges. defeat. hope crushed. unfulfilled dreams. so many things to change if i could.

1. chronic pain. gone.
2. the music degree. achieved.
3. law school. the best in the nation.
4. career. high profile and extremely successful.
5. home. a three story house with beautiful gardens, large bathrooms, a room of my own, all located on a large plot in an upscale suburb of a happening city.
6. childhood. privilege, always enough food, nice neighborhood, new school clothes every year - always brand name, excellent education that's been supported by parents who rarely argue and make God the center of our lives.
7. body. beauty, not under or overweight, fashionable always.
8. personality. just the right combination of feminine and masculine traits, self-confident, outgoing, affectionate, fearless.
9. faith. strong, pervasive, unwavering.
10. culture. refined, well-read, frequent travel abroad, fine dining, appreciation of art.

reality.

1. chronic pain. unknown origin. difficult to control.
2. the music degree. unfinished.
3. law school. unaffordable. unreachable.
4. career. unappreciated. tumultuous. unsatisfied.
5. home. small. poorly decorated. no bathtub good for soaking in. no space to call my own.
6. childhood. difficult. trailer as a home. rural schools. lack of opportunity. knowing that i'll never be all the things i dream of.
7. body. sometimes too thin from time to time. weak. uncoordinated. unhealthy. unattractive. traitor.
8. personality. insecure. loud. pushes limits. controlled rebellion. prone to depression.
9. faith. wavering. questioning. difficult.
10. culture. appalachian. unrefined.

will i ever get past it? does the scar tissue spread through my soul until i'm crippled? how long will i live with regret? who am i trying to please?

i hope for peace. wholeness. love. i long for perfect relationships. stability.

what would i long for if i had everything i desired?
would i really change these things if i actually could?
would i suddenly know who i am and who i am supposed to be if i did?

somehow, i doubt it. and although i feel broken, although i disappoint myself and others, although i feel i've failed time and time again

someday it will be different.

someday i'll be able to look at you and say with all honestly that i wouldn't change a thing about my life.

happier days

2008-03-11T18:43:00.004-04:00

okay, so i don't really ever want to go into much detail about my job because it really doesn't matter what i do for a living on {miSnomer}. but, i MUST share this with you all.

i've been overseeing a particular program in our office for seven and a half years. during that time, i have, naturally, made many changes to the process. one change i made early on was to extend a deadline for submitting an appeal. {again, it doesn't matter what the appeal is for - just that i decided to start giving individuals more time to turning in paperwork.}

i had many, MANY questions and suggestions when this change was made. many. i was beyond tired of defending my decision. i was so flustered that when i set one of the deadlines, i made a mistake. more questions. argh.

then, my best-friend-for-life pushed me over the edge. here is our email conversation for your reading pleasure. names have been removed to protect the somewhat innocent.

On Thursday, January 06, 2005 9:05 AM -0500 sjw wrote:
Subject: appeal deadline revised

Hello all-

I was looking at the wrong week yesterday when I sent out the deadline for Winter Quarter appeals. We will accept appeals until 4:30p on Tuesday, February 1.

Sorry for my mistake. Please let me know if you have questions.

--On Thursday, January 06, 2005 9:08 AM -0500 best-friend-for-life wrote:
--Subject: Re: appeal deadline revised
>
> Now, could you explain where that date comes from????
>
> :)

Date: Thursday, January 06, 2005 9:41 AM -0500
From: sjw
To: best-friend-for-life
Subject: Re: Re: appeal deadline revised

I perform a deadline setting ritual. First I write dates on notecards (one date per notecard - the date usually falls in the current quarter, although not always) and place double sided tape on each one. I come into the office at midnight and light some candles. I put on my deadline setting costume (similar to my 'occupational hazard' Halloween costume from a few years ago) and spin REALLY fast with my eyes closed until I fall over. Which ever notecard is stuck closest to the center of my rear end is the notecard I use to determine the date. Surprisingly, the date almost always seems to be 21 weekdays into the quarter.

How's that?

this message will come up in office conversation to this day. not that it's terribly funny, but it was certainly unexpected.

maybe someday i'll post about my infamous "meeting survival guide". maybe.

quota

2008-03-10T10:26:00.003-04:00

Dear Blog Reader:

Thank you for visiting {miSnomer} today. Your support of my blog addiction is appreciated and I value your comments.

This letter serves as a courtesy notification. I am writing to inform you that I will no longer tolerate the death of family or friends. Should you plan to pass away within the next year, please be advised that I will not attend any funerals until January 1, 2009. I ask that you postpone kicking the bucket until that time if you wish me to be present for your final public appearance.

Your accommodation to this request is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
sjw.

PS. Suggestions regarding how to label this post are welcome.

run away!

2008-03-06T13:19:00.003-05:00

i usually say stupid things when i'm tired. the filter that normally stands between my brain and mouth vanishes.

i hate the book we're reading in my small group. hate. much. it's very...flowery. it doesn't speak to me at all.

tired and discussing a book i dislike. not a good combination. makes for an interesting small group meeting, though.

i really love the people in my group. we've got some rebels, some ccc members, parents who have survived their daughters' teen years. it's great. i especially am fond of the rebels. :) until they start asking me questions about something i've said. {i kid, i kid. i still like them.}

so, last night we somehow started talking about ways of knowing and communicating. i had said earlier in the night that i didn't believe anything is completely wordless. what i mean is that we have to give words to our experience if they are going to make sense. granted, we don't necessarily have a language that fits all experiences. but, everything is shaped by the words we use.

the rebels disagreed, which was actually fun. and then someone asked me about hunches.

here we go.

i'm actually a fairly intuitive person. i get hunches daily. about work, maya - everything, really. i can know something isn't right without knowing what it is or how i know. and i partially trust this since my hunches have an uncanny accuracy about them.

this doesn't mean i like it.

i'd rather have a world made of facts, data, measurements. don't get me wrong. i know that are things that i just can't know. fine. but those aren't the things i want to base decisions on. {by the way, this doesn't apply to faith. it's strictly about intuition. it doesn't have to make sense to you, dear reader. it's my blog post. hee hee}

balance. in the end, i'm looking for balance. i need to make decisions and reach conclusions that don't appear to completely contradict other ones i've made.

i was also asked about my mbti type. infj. i took the real deal test - with an actual person administering it and reviewing the results. here are some nuggets for you that might {or might not} explain my thought processes {or lack thereof}:

"People who have known an INFJ for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that INFJs are inconsistent; they are very consistent and value integrity. But they have convoluted, complex personalities which sometimes puzzle even them."

"They take their work seriously and enjoy academic activity. They can exhibit qualities of over-perfectionism and put more into a task than perhaps is justified by the nature of the task. They generally will not be visible leaders, but will quietly exert influence behind the scenes."

"Characteristically, INFJs have strong empathic abilities and can be aware of another's emotions or intents even before that person is conscious of these. This can take the form of feeling the distress of illnesses of others to an extent which is difficult for other types. INFJs can intuit good and evil in others, although they seldom can tell how they came to know. Subsequent events tend to bear them out, however."

i don't know. i guess i need more debriefing. seriously.

take it for what it's worth.

now i know.

2008-03-06T13:13:00.003-05:00

mystery scratches i find on my arms/face/legs in the morning explained:

thanks for sharing this, sandy. :)

i probably shouldn't

2008-03-03T23:41:00.002-05:00

weird.

i left the movie theater liking definitely, maybe but i didn't necessarily like that i liked it. don't get me wrong. it is a good flick as far as romantic comedy/dramas go. it as almost one of the best romantic comedies i've ever seen. almost.

the movie is basically a man (will hayes) telling his daughter (maya) about his past love life and how he met her mother. {visit this site if you want a more detailed plot summary.} they are in the process of being divorced. and there's where i falter. will is a likable guy and obviously a great dad. he's had a rough time as far as relationships go; sometimes due to his stupidity, sometimes not.

argh. so, why would i enjoy a movie that's partially centered around the collapse of a marriage? sure, he and his wife seem to part on friendly terms and maya doesn't appear to suffer any major emotional trauma from their break-up. and of course, in the end will ends up with the woman that he's obviously loved all along.

i guess what bothers me is that this isn't just another story. it's what happens all the time (with the exception of finding one's long lost love right after divorce). and it's horrible. marriage can be difficult even when things seem to be going pretty well. and especially for dual-career parents. the last thing that couples need is a feel-good movie that nearly glamorizes divorce and leaves the audience content with the idea that the main character can now live out his life with the woman he's really supposed to have been with anyway.

but, a movie where the couple faces major life changes, end up at the brink of separation and decide to work through things probably just wouldn't be a box office hit. and it would likely be much, much harder to relate to than the "what if there's someone else and i missed it" scenario.

having said all that, i really want to tell you to go see this movie. you'll feel all warm and fuzzy afterward and you'll get a kick out of the young lady who plays maya. i want to recommend this one. but, maybe i shouldn't...

yesssssss

2008-02-28T15:45:00.004-05:00

okay. this posting contains absolutely no significant insight. no wisdom to share.

just sharing a few things that i'm very, very, VERY excited about. a life update, so to speak.

1. vacation bible school will be here before we know it. four short months to plan. this year's theme? gospel light's SonWorld adventure park. that's right, people. ROLLER COASTERS! i already have my stage persona figured out. last year, i was violet. the level-headed leader of some very strange secrete agents. this year, it's my turn to be the goofball. kids, watch out! screamin' serena will be helping with assembles. yep. i'm going to gel my hair so it looks windblown and run around acting like i'm on a roller coaster (hands in the air, screaming). i'll work on some character development in may with an early season visit to the greatest amusement park on earth.

2. i've joined a scrapbook club and will be cropping with a couple of gals this weekend. i really, REALLY hope this gets me back on track with my albums. i'm still working on last summer. geesh. honestly, i need my hobby. it makes me feel more like...me.

3. i picked up "world war z: an oral history of the zombie war" today to start reading. nonstop-wooooo for all things zombie!

4. a couple of weeks ago, i purchased the BEST software i've ever used. i don't typically get excited about software, but this program absolutely rocks. i can't even tell you. iFriends, if you need something to keep you organized, this is IT.

5. it's girls' night out tomorrow. dinner and a movie. i barely remember the last time i went out with any of my girlfriends for the evening.

6. it's FRIDAY EVE. this has been an incredibly long week. and a slow week in gmail-status land. i'm really looking forward to mdog's return. :)

*sigh of relief* positive reflection is good. especially after dealing with so much crap this week (i.e. asthma, bad weather, preschool woes, huge presentation tomorrow). things are looking up.

what? i wasn't clear enough?

2008-02-25T12:25:00.003-05:00

sigh.

i actually hate confrontation. it's terrible trying to balance emotion and logic; to sort out what has happened and try to be objective. depending on who i've locked horns with and how personal the subject of debate is, i really think i SUCK at arguing. but, this doesn't mean i avoid it.

i especially hate arguing with family. my family is dysfunctional enough without me fueling the flames. i try my best to keep my mouth shut until someone really crosses the line.

i tried to be diplomatic. i tried to drop a hint. but some people don't get it. yep - another stupid FWD email. this one was on obama (the individual i plan to vote for next week) and his affiliation with the trinity church of christ in chicago. good grief.

as upset as i was to receive another stupid email message, i just couldn't write a strong enough response without feeling guilty. so, here it is for your critique.

Hello,

Please do not contine to send these types of email messages to me.
Snopes.com, a reliable web site on urban legends, states that this
message contains false information. Additionally, I am offended by the
content of this particular message as I am a supporter of Obama and
have both black and Muslim friends. If you forward messages like this
to everyone in your address book, I'd appreciate it if you would
remove me from your address book and contact me by phone if you need
to speak to me.

Thanks in advance for honoring my request.

too nice? will said family member get it this time or am i not being clear enough? grrr.

and just in case i'm not making sense...the purpose of this post isn't really to vent about the abuse of email. it's more about how freaking horrible it is to have to write messages like this. if only we could learn to "speak" kindly and respect each other. life would be so, SO much easier.

invaluable

2008-02-22T21:19:00.003-05:00

i am all for women staying home with their children and making a career out of managing their household if they believe that is their calling in this life. i am also all for women with children working outside the home and having the ability to do so without being made to feel like second-class parents.

i'm sick of the mommy wars. i can be an excellent mother and work outside my home. rather than defending our decisions as mothers, i think it's time to bring attention to the significance of a father in his child's life and assign more value to the role they play in the home.

fathers matter. greatly.

i don't know anything, really, about the needs of boys. i don't know what it's like to be a man who does not or did not have a good relationship with his father. i can, however, tell you what it's like to be a woman whose father was under-involved and largely absence. i can tell you about the relationship i see forming between maya and ty.

i can't imagine what my daughter's life would be like without her father. they share an incredible bond and have from the time she was just a few minutes old. you can't convince me that she would have the confidence she has without him. i don't believe she would act out on her curiosity as strongly without him. i myself cannot teach maya how to interact with men nor can i tell her exactly how a godly man cares for and works within his family. these are things she will only learn from her father. a large part of her identity and self-confidence will come from their relationship.

don't get me wrong. it's far better to be fatherless than to live with an abusive man. far better to be fatherless than to be burdened with the problems of a man who is addicted to drugs or alcohol.

and i'm not into promise keepers because they put women AND men into too strict of gender roles. i should be free to be myself and decide who i am as a woman. ty deserves the same and movements like promise keepers (as well as extremely liberal women's movements) prevent people from realizing who they are and how god wired them.

i'm just tired of people thinking that it's acceptable for a father to not be active in his child's life. i'm tired of the negative stigma surrounding men who have chosen to make fatherhood their career.

ty is the center of maya's universe. i wouldn't have it any other way.

"papa laugh with your princess so that she will find funny princes familiar

papa respect your princess so that she will find respectful princes familiar

papa love your princess so that she will find loving princes familiar"

- Princes Familiar, Alanis Morissette

"i believe the light that shines on you

will shine on you forever

and though i can't guarantee

there's nothing scary hiding under your bed

i'm gonna stand guard like a postcard of a golden retriever

and never leave till i leave you with a sweet dream in your head"

-Father and Daughter, Paul Simon

the girl of my dreams

2008-02-21T02:53:00.003-05:00

it's probably driven by the insomnia and the insanity that has been my life for the past couple of weeks. but really, i have to wonder sometimes...

i've heard that 40 is a good age. some people i know tell me that once you get there, you find that you're more comfortable with yourself. you know who you are and you don't think about 'you' quite as much. yea for confidence.

i hope this is all true. i hope that a few more years on this planet will calm my soul. maybe in another decade, the events of my life that i know have contributed to my more "endearing" personality quirks will lose their influence. perhaps i'll start to feel more integrated {for lack of a better term}. my roles and all the seemingly dichotomous opinions/convictions i hold will mesh together a little better and start to feel natural. i won't be shaken by turmoil at work or home. i'll know where i stand and what i stand for. i'll pick the right battles. i'll finally live up to my name. i won't care that i never left this place, didn't finished music school, wound up in a job that i didn't intend to hold {it's a love/hate thing with the job. i may feel differently by noon today}, and that i had to slow down before i wanted to do so. the marks left from betrayal will fade.

beautiful, serene, confident, wise, more christ-like. 10 years to become the girl of my dreams and shed the things i don't want to pass on to my daughter.

here's hoping that people really can change. or at least return to who they once were becoming.

a little confused, aren't you?

2008-02-19T13:22:00.003-05:00

i think i balance my roles well. wife, mother, employee, friend... and i try not to talk about one area of my life too much. especially parenthood. people who can't talk about anything other than their children annoy the snot out of me. but, i have to share a couple of conversations i had with my daughter today.

the first thing maya said as we walked out the door this morning was "mom, it's cold outside." then, noticing that we had only a light dusting of snow, she says, "i want more snow, mom!" here's how the rest of this discussion went:

me: well, maya, it is cold outside. and if we had more snow, you wouldn't be able to play in it because it's so cold.
maya: but maaaaahom, i want more snow!
me: snow isn't something that i can make appear. you'll have to talk to god about it.
maya: when i'm in my bed tonight?
me: yep. you can ask god for snow when you pray tonight.
maya: god see me in my bed when it's dark outside.
me: yes, he does, maya.
maya: and god thinks i'm beautiful! he loves me. god will give me snow.

okay. so that was almost enough to make me get teary-eyed. she has great spiritual insight for a three-year-old, don't you think? a little while later, she demonstrated her brilliant reasoning skills. {note: my brother stayed with maya saturday night while ty and i were out of town.}

maya: mom, it's cold outside.
me: yes, maya. we've established that already.
maya: mom, when uncle daniel was at my house it was warm. can uncle daniel come to my house again so i can play outside? i like playing outside with uncle daniel.
me: that's amazing, maya. i had no idea uncle daniel controls the weather.

there are times when i can't get over how amazing parenthood is.

then there are the times maya makes me run late for work and i'm not as impressed. :)

don't.

2008-02-18T08:52:00.003-05:00

here's how i feel about it. you can text message me. {a lot of people find it annoying and understandible so, but i don't mind. :) } you can IM, email, leave a short vmail or just drop by my house if you're tying to getme. i'm pretty opened to most forms of communication.

however, don't send me crap like this:

FW: The PELL Grant "OUTRAGEOUS " !!!!
This is a subject close to my heart.
Do you know that we have adult students at the school where I teach who are not US citizens and who get the PELL grant, which is a federal grant (no pay back required) plus other federal grants to go to school? One student from the Dominican Republic told me that she didn't want me to find a job for her after she finished my program, because she was getting housing from our housing department and she was getting PELL grant which paid for her total tuition and books, plus money left over.
She was looking into WAIT which gives students a CREDIT CARD for gas to come to school, and into CARIBE which is a special program for immigrants and it pays for child care and all sorts of needs while they go to school or training.
The one student I just mentioned told me she was not going to be a US citizen because she plans to return to the Dominican Republic someday and that she "loves HER country." I asked her if she felt guilty taking what the US is giving her and then not even bothering to become a citizen and she told me that it doesn't bother her, because that is what the money is there for!
I asked the CARIBE administration about their program and if you ARE a US citizen, you don't qualify for their program. And all the while, I am working a full day, my son-in-law works more than 60 hours a week, and everyone in my family works and pays for our education.
Something is wrong here. Right? COMING SOON!
I am sorry but after hearing they want to sing the National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough. Nowhere did they sing it in Italian, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German or any other language because of immigration. It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it was written The news broadcasts even gave the translation -- not even close. Sorry if this offends anyone but this is MY COUNTRY - IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY SP EAK UP -- please pass this along. I am not against immigration -- just come through like everyone else. Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes, live by the rules AND LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all other immigrants have in the past -- and GOD BLESS AMERICA !
PART OF THE PROBLEM Think about this: If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is Time for America to Speak up!
If you agree -- pass this along, if you don't agree -- delete it!
Yep, I passed it

i didn't pass in. i didn't delete it. i responded to the inconsiderate individual who flooded my inbox with four offensive, hateful email chain letters last tuesday. here is my very diplomatic response {much kinder than this post since she is a relative} to the person:

Good morning! I noticed I had several messages from you in my inbox after the weekend. Thanks for thinking of me. However, I would ask that you only send messages that are personal to this email address. I can provide you with a separate email if you would like to send forwarded messages to me there. Additionally, I wanted to let you know that as a financial aid professional, I found several errors in this message. Students who travel to the US for the sole purpose of higher education are not eligible for any source of federal or state financial aid. I hope that you don't mind contacting the individual who sent this message to you and relaying that it contains misinformation that only fuels the current tension between American and international students. One goal of higher education is to open doors for new understanding of others' lives and culture and messages like this are a great hindrance to the work that Universities and colleges do to promote peace, diversity and respect toward our fellow humans. I hope you are well. Spring will come soon!

i am so sick of message fueling hate and racial tension that are disguised as "patriotic". it's nonsense. it's also the kind of propaganda crap that has been used throughout history {granted to a much larger scale} to justify violence against various groups of people.

this disgusts me.

so, before you include me in any FWD messages, do the three following things:
1. check the validity of the message. it takes 30 seconds to stop the spread of misinformation.
2. look at the content. if it's something that doesn't promote harmonious living with your fellow "man" I DON'T WANT IT.
3. if those two conditions are met, send the message. but say hello, too. let me know how you're doing or if you need anything. {if you never contact me on a personal basis, take the hint and DON'T send the message. i don't want to hear from you.}

grrrrrr.

i'm trying to work, here!

2008-02-13T20:22:00.004-05:00

and i don't need any help with distractions, really.

in honor of my gmail friends who posted annoyingly catchy lyrics in there statii today, i present a list of 80s songs that i am mostly unashamed to admit that i love...

Centerfold - J. Geils Band (1982 - my angel is a centerfold! what a shock!)
Blister in the Sun - Violent Femmes (1983 - best "dance like an idiot" song. ever.)
In Your Eyes- Peter Gabriel (1986 - say anything. i need not say anything else.)
Sweet Child o' Mine - Guns 'n Roses (198 - come on. you know you love the guitar.)
Pride (in the Name of Love) - U2 (1984 - okay, so really all U2 songs were excellent.)
Too Late for Goodbyes - Julian Lennon (1985 - John Lennon's boy. loved it.)
Fast Car - Tracy Chapman (1988 - tracy chapman just rocks.)
Stand - R.E.M. (1988 - all the nerdy kids loved REM. right?)
Rome - B-52s (1989 - and so, so much better than loveshack.)
Your Wildest Dreams - The Moody Blues (1986 - i still remember the music video!)

mmhmm. you know you have your favorites, too. spill it.

back to "normal"?

2008-02-11T08:35:00.000-05:00

i hope so! ah....the comfort of routine.

in memory (or, how NOT to conduct my funeral)

2008-02-06T23:04:00.002-05:00

posted with ty's permission. here is the update i sent to paul tonight on how things are going. enjoy.

Ty got home just after 10p. He's doing okay. Things went very well with the family today. They are going to meet with the funeral home tomorrow morning, so I'll let you know what is happening once Ty fills me in. I'll probably call you since I don't know where I'll be [or if I'll have internet access when I'm there!].

I have to tell you that I'm really, REALLY happy with the scripture grandma had selected to have read. Psalm 121 (which is one of my favorites and so much better than "yea, though i walk through the valley" for funerals. so says the undertaker's daughter.) and John 14:1-4, which is probably more common, but still good. I think the service will go well. Hopefully they will keep it lighthearted. I don't think grandma would want people to mope. :)

Thanks for checking in.

See you later,

Serena

PS. As I was telling Ty that I was sharing the scripture grandma selected with you, he told me that Psalm 23 is on the "reading this one" sheet. Paul, if I die and you are conducting my service, DO NOT read that passage. If you do, I will raise my rotting corpse from its coffin and go all zombie on you. Seriously. (I also think that I would drag my corpse into the congregation and hug the people who I never really liked. I know God says that vengeance is His, but really, I'm certain he has a sense of humor and would allow me this one small, final joke.)

i know i complained about grandma from time to time (c'mon. don't many wives complain about their mothers-in-law?) but really, i'll miss her.

much needed entertainment and other stuff

2008-02-06T09:32:00.001-05:00

we had a couple of friends over last friday for rock band. one is a fellow cat "owner". he said that his cat has been reading since she was three months old. that's all well and good, but i have to wonder if she has the computer skills that media is developing. check out the pics media got with photo booth:

quality entertainment.

speaking of entertainment, i'm SO upset that i didn't catch the superbowl half time show. i like tom petty and the heartbreakers a lot. that's right - i couldn't care less about the actual game. in fact, i didn't even realize that it was superbowl weekend until i went to the store last saturday.

and then there was super tuesday. very interesting stuff. for those of you who don't know, ty and i stand on opposite sides politically. makes for a fun primary.

just a couple more things...

i'm excited about lent and easter this year. maybe it's all the changes we've gone through lately. maybe i need the reassurance of my faith in christ and the traditions surrounding that [okay - that might not make sense in writing, but it makes perfect sense in my head]. hopefully maya and i will feel well enough to go to the ash wednesday service.

finally, ty's family is coming in because it looks like it might be time to say goodbye to grandma. i love seeing them. i just wish they were coming in under better circumstances.

i don't think so

2008-01-31T09:11:00.000-05:00

this is NOT an appropriate party theme. ever.

new love

2008-01-29T13:26:00.001-05:00

it's still weird, but she's beginning to fill the void.

media is adjusting well to her new home. using the litter box, playing with her toys, sleeping in our bed, purring like crazy.

i'm hoping that this all seems normal soon.

mostly there

2008-01-28T12:09:00.000-05:00

our church holds "central conversations" about once a quarter to open up dialogue on difficult or challenging topics. last night's conversation topic: how to respond to science as a christian.

the individuals leading the discussion did a fantastic job.

i did NOT do such a fantastic job in following the conversation. if you're wondering what i learned from last night's function, here are some of the notes i took:

science. it works...

central conversations isn't rock 'em sock 'em.

our head moderator says this isn't "darwin in the red corner and jesus in the blue corner." of course not! jesus would definitely be in the red corner. geeze.

it's inappropriate for pastors to play video games on their phones or start up their laptops during church functions. very distracting.

physicists enjoy sliding blocks down planes and performing other interesting experiments. weeee!!!!

central conversations isn't "metaphysical wrestle mania."

some people don't like to compartmentalize knowledge. i say schemata makes the world go round. compartmentalize away!

global warming is only a concern in blue states.

when someone says, "see! it's all in your head!" it is appropriate and acceptable to say, "of course it is! duh!"

i wonder what "the metaphysical rubber hitting the road" looks like....

economics = not science. again - duh.

our resident theoretical nuclear physicist uses his power for good. not to blow up 5,000 people, although he certainly could design a device to do so.

psychotherapy = also not science. sorry.

postmodernists don't believe in a single christian perspective and are willing to accept that individual salvation may not be the goal of christianity. not everyone is postmodern.

one member of the audience was heartbroken to learn that his view of interpersonal relationships was shared with scientology, which is neither science or a godly religion. he now questions his ability to discern between the church universal and a cult.

mdog and i became completely disruptive due to outbursts of inappropriate laughter and inner snorting. but, we were not quite as disruptive as the pastor in orange who dropped his cell phone (probably in the middle of his tetris game. note: "damnit!" just isn't an appropriate expletive in church.).

don't be squeaky just because you disagree with something. SQUEAK WITH PURPOSE.

artists don't get science because they obviously aren't living in the same universe as the rest of us. or, maybe it's just the paint fumes....

of course christian parents don't typically provide their children with 'real' science education. who wants to send their child straight to hell with the evolutionists?

those damned postmodernists just don't get scientific objectivity. they can, however, twist any argument around to make it appear as though they agree with you even when they might not.

so as you can see, if you weren't in attendance last night you really missed out on some interesting things.

of course, it all depends on the person you're seated next to.

details.

2008-01-24T09:11:00.000-05:00

it's been a rushed morning. i was running late to work. i allowed no nonsense in the 8a meeting that had been postponed until 8:15 (due to my lateness) but didn't actually start until 8:25. we had a ton of work to do in an extremely limited amount of time.

i left my office in a bit of a frenzy at 9a to go upstairs and attend a web conference on our 2008-2009 software.

the web conference begins at 9a MOUNTAIN TIME. that was a detail i could have used prior to now.

remembering

2008-01-21T18:59:00.000-05:00

WARNING: the topic of this post is somewhat depressing. read on at your own risk.

maya and i stopped at my grandma's on our way home today. we live, quite literally, in her backyard. it was a nice visit - it always is. i have a tremendous amount of respect for my grandmother. she is an amazingly strong woman. strong in her faith, strong in spirit and often strong in opinion. {now you all know where i get it from}

as we were getting ready to leave, maya wandered into on of the bedrooms. grandma keeps her pictures in this room - some on the wall, some on a small table. one of the pictures of my family dates back to 1993. embarrassing. anyway, maya was looking at the pictures, pointing out the family members she knows. uncle daniel, aunt boo, grandma, dustin. then, she saw a picture of my grandparents. she recognized grandma, but didn't know the man in the picture.

my grandfather was a great man. he boxed when he was younger, was in the navy during world war two, and worked for the postal services for years. he loved to be outdoors and hunt. i have wonderful memories of hiking through the woods with him when i was young. i would dig up old animal bones, wade in the creek and swing out over a ledge on the tire swing he made.

i was seven months pregnant when my grandpa died. he had parkinson's disease and lewy body dementia. it was difficult to watch his mind deteriorate. as he approached death, the thought of his passing almost became a comfort because it would mean an end to the suffering. my family had gathered at the nursing home to be with him the day he passed away. i chose not to go because, well...i didn't think i could do it. they called me after he died. i stayed at work.

so many people tell you that you'll see your 'loved one' again someday and that he {or she} is with the lord. as if this is really supposed to ease the loss. let me be completely honest and say that it doesn't. those words do not fill the hole in your life that is left after someone you love is gone. silence would be best, but i suppose people feel the need to say something. anything.

maya asked who that was with grandma. she told maya, "that's your grandpa." then she said, "he sure is missing out on you kids."

i immediately thought, "nope. maya is missing out on him."

i still miss my grandpa, but it's good to remember.

for my fellow rockers

2008-01-19T10:12:00.000-05:00

perfect.

You Are a Chick Rocker!

You're living proof that chicks can rock
You're inspired by Joan Jett and the Donnas
And when you rock, you rock hard
(Plus, you get all the cute guy groupies you want!)

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

i couldn't resist.

the card

2008-01-19T02:11:00.000-05:00

i don't remember how it started, but someone along the way made a joke about being a "card-carrying friend" of mine. it caught on quickly. i was sharing this with another individual (this i do remember, but to prevent embarrassment said individual shall remain nameless unless he chooses to reveal himself) who told me how great it would be to actually make friendship cards and pass them out.

it was almost like a dare, although i'm sure that's not what it was intended to be.

i NEVER turn down a reasonable challenge.

so, i created friendship cards using a business card template and emailed them to a group of people i had come to know over the past year. 10 at first. i've given out three more since then.

if you ever find yourself saying, "my friend serena" please be advise of the following regarding the terms of my friendship:

Card entitles you to the privileges and responsibilities of friendship. Holder of card may be subjected to harassment, spontaneous put-downs, lengthy email/IM, high expectations, check-up calls, therapy sessions, roller coaster rides, just because gifts, lunch/dinner requests, after-wit, unapologetic apologizes, iPhone questions, extensive schedule demands, loud laughter, awkward hugs on an as-needed basis, competitive game playing and horror movie screenings. All friend policies subject to changes at the discretion of Serena. Non-transferable, non-refundable. No expiration date. Eternity is forever. Sorry.

oh yeah. it's that serious. and the part about high expectations? no joke there.

don't be surprised. i warned you all in my first post.

you'll never believe what got me thinking about all of this. it was an episode of 'the wonder pets'. no, really! cheesy, i know. but it's cool - i'm not above a life lesson given by a talking hamster.

note: for those of you who do not know anything about this show and happen to click the link, please bear in mind that most of my television watching is done with a three-year-old. your perspective on quality entertainment is obviously warped by parenthood.

but what does it mean?

2008-01-17T13:21:00.000-05:00

yep. i'm totally addicted to rock band. hopefully we're having another RB party tomorrow night. depends upon the serena v insomnia rematch.

as we were playing a couple of weeks ago, i was bold and decided to sing one of the songs. there's this catchy (and easy) tune on the game called "maps" by the yeah, yeah, yeahs. it's one of the few songs in the rock band set list that feature a female vocalist.

i began to sing and realized that i have NO idea what the song is about. i'll post the lyrics. if any of you can figure it out or know a story behind the song, do tell.

"maps"

pack up;
I’m straight;
Enough;
Oh say, say, say;
Oh say, say, say;
Oh say, say, say;
Oh say, say, say;
Oh say, say, say

Wait, they don’t love you like I love you;
Wait, they don’t love you like I love you;
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps;
Wait! They don’t love you like I love you.

Made off;
Don’t stray;
Well, my kind's,your kind;
I’ll stay the same!
Pack up;
Don’t stray;
Oh say, say, say;
Oh say, say, say!

Wait! They don’t love you like I love you;
Wait! They don’t love you like I love you;
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps;
Wait! They don’t love me like I love you!
Wait! They don’t love me like I love you!
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps!
Wait! They don’t love you like I love you …

Wait! They don’t love you like I love you;
Wait! They don’t love you like I love you;
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps;
Wait! They don’t love you like I love you!
Wait! They don’t love you like I love you!
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aps!
Wait! They don’t love you like I love you …

and yes, blog friends. it really is that repetitive. catchy song. great feel. but what does it mean???

serena v insomnia

2008-01-16T11:46:00.000-05:00

welcome, folks! we've got a treat for you tonight! tonight's match is serena v insomnia. the fight's about to begin, so let's go live to ringside!

ROUND ONE - ding!

serena and insomnia circle. who's going to make the first move? they battled before, folks, and it's always a good fight.

oo - serena goes on the offense! she's, she's....she's taking tylenol pm! ouch, insomnia! that's gotta hurt!

she's got insomnia in a headlock! he's on the ground! and...there's the bell!

ROUND TWO - ding!

wow! serena and insomnia - what a match! looks like serena may have the advantage here. she grabs her pillow. it's, it's...and she's alseep!

oh no...wait....here comes insomnia! he hasn't given up! insomnia flips serena over! the tylenol pm bottle says EXP 01/07. looks like it's gonna be a tough fight. can serena make a comeback? she was close close to taking insomnia out!

uh-oh. serena's retreated to her corner. looks like...yes, folks, it looks like she pulling out the computer. and she's blog commenting! surfing the internet! i think insomnia might take the title tonight!

ROUND THREE - ding!

serena still has her computer. she's....she's...wait a minute! she's emailing her boss and jane instructions for things she's supposed to do at work today. could it be? is serena going to bust out her finishing move for the win?

insomnia looks frightened.

serena....she appears to be ignoring insomnia! ooooo......nothing gets insomnia more fired up than the "you don't exist" attitude!

serena's putting her computer down now. what could she have in mind?

she's making maya's lunch, people! she's making maya's lunch! could it be? is she giving into insomnia? will she go to work today afterall?

ROUND FOUR - ding!

okay, the computer's gone. maya's lunch is packed. insomnia looks confident that he'll be doing the victory dance tonight!

uh-oh! serena walks to the medicine cabinet. she's pulling out the antihistamine! she's taking two! two pills, people! SHE'S GOING BACK TO BED!

insomnia is down. this was totally unexpected!

insomnia can't break free! he's pinned!

one....two....three....four....five....six....seven....eight....nine....ten!

AND SERENA IS ASLEEP! what a fight! she might miss part of the work day, but she's taking the title, folks!

{blog reader: serena, are you okay? i didn't get this posting at all! serena: uh...sports announcer? serena v insomnia - like a wrestling match? blog reader: it really wasn't that funny. maybe you should go back to bed}

serena admits defeat.

joy

2008-01-15T08:47:00.000-05:00

this morning has been brought to you by the number 2.

as in "2 hour preschool delay".

i knew it had snowed a little, but it was less than 1/4 inch! i didn't even think to listen to the radio for school closings/delays until i noticed that i wasn't passing any school buses on the way into a-town this morning. i tuned into a local station (that plays CRAP, by the way) and endured about 10 minutes of annoying dance music. by the time the dj finally announced that maya's preschool was on a two hour delay we were about 30 seconds from my office. it didn't make sense to turn around and go home since we'd only be there about 45 minutes. so i brought kiddo to work with me until 9:20.

here are some "sound bites" from my morning:

maya walking through the verification area: my tummy hurts. that means i need to go home and poop.

maya at jane's {aka nana} desk: wonder pets! wonder pets! we're on our way to help a baby animal and save the day! we're not too big and we're not too tough, but when we work together we've got the right stuff!

maya to some of my co-workers: my mommy has short hair. crazy, crazy short hair!

maya to jane {again}: please may i have some money?

serena to maya, who has just screamed: maya, we don't scream in the office. cursing on the other hand....

she's active, loud, and outgoing.

i wouldn't have it any other way. she's a joy.

excellent

2008-01-14T05:10:00.000-05:00

i think this may be the first time i've posted with the sole intention of ranting.

i've been awake for about 45 minutes, which means i've gotten more sleep tonight than i have on average over the past two weeks. my legs and arms ache a bit but i'm used to that. since it doesn't look like i'm going to get any more rest, i decided to check my news feeds. what i found in the times absolutely infuriated me.

the last thing someone with fibromyalgia needs is this crap. allow me to share some personal insight.

i began experiencing chronic pain as a child. i would lie awake at night crying because my legs (the most common place for me to have pain) would hurt. nothing helped. my pediatrician told my mother that i had growing pains. let me note here that this doctor also told my mother that my eyes only appeared to be crossed due to the width of the bridge of my nose. thanks to a lack of treatment when i was young, i now have depth perception problems and must wear glasses with strong prism just to keep my eyes from turning.

i was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in early 2003. ty and i had traveled by car to flordia. the trip home was fine, but the next day i was so stiff i could hardly walk. for me, the fibromyalgia isn't just pain. if i sit too long in one position, i have trouble moving. if i stand in one place for too long, my legs get sore. other symptoms i have that are common to individuals with fibromyalgia: sleep disturbance, tmj, low blood pressure, sensitivity to loud noises and bright lights, fatigue, and cognitive impairment (brain fog).

it's true that the underlying cause of fibromyalgia is still unknown. but, recent research is pretty promising. what gets me about the times article is: 1. the vast majority of doctors DO recognize fibromyalgia as a legitimate diagnosis 2. symptoms DO respond to medication, although you also have to make other life changes (vitamin supplements, exercise, sleep) 3. individuals can become so debilitated by fibromyalgia that they can no longer continue to work; unfortunately for these people, it is EXTREMELY difficult to collect disability benefits and article like this perpetuate the problem and 4. it's primarily a women's health issue and the medical field as a whole has been very slow to research/acknowledge most illnesses or diseases that impact mostly women.

so, there you have it. i have many more opinions on this matter that i could share, but i think this posting is already waaaaaaay too long.

until next time.....

confessions of a deranged mind

2008-01-13T10:56:00.001-05:00

for those of you who wonder about the inner workings of my head:

when i'm in deep thought at work or have something that i need to process, i spin in my chair. usually clockwise and only if i know no one is watching
my second favorite thing to do during the summer: wait for night, jump in the car, take a drive with the windows down and sing with tori or alanis at the top of my lungs. alone, of course. (reader: what's your first favorite? serena: um, riding coasters. duh.)
i actually have danced on the desk at work. so, if you see "dancing" anywhere in my gmail status, i'm being totally serious.
i think my rock band avatar (zoe) is sexy. she's my alter-ego.
one of the most exciting things that happened to me last year: i went to a local tattoo/piercing shop and had my navel piercing reopened. i love belly rings.

aren't you glad you visited {miSnomer} today?

reasons to stay

2008-01-10T21:55:00.000-05:00

discontentment. i shouldn't have stayed. i could be more than this. better educated, better career. life would be so much more exciting somewhere else. anywhere else.

anywhere but here.

to shake off the "i should get the heck out of here" itch, i present ten reasons to stay in the a-town area. in no particular order.

1. my church - no, seriously. my church.
2. my friends - even the ones who ask to hug me.
3. my family - i'm thankful maya knows two of her great-grandmothers.
4. crime - the lack thereof. this is as safe an area as any i know.
5. shopping - limited access to malls and great stores is actually a good thing.
6. hills - the kind that you can actually hike up. it's beautiful here.
7. traffic - "rush hour" means i spend 5 extra minutes in the car, very much unlike a real city.
8. hippies - i love that so many people here are genuinely concerned about the environment. hippies and tree-huggers are cool.
9. ty's job - he loves it. i remember what our lives were like when he had a job he didn't like.
10 (deep breath) my job - frustrating, challenging, constantly changing and reduced tuition (hopefully) for maya.

not nearly as difficult as i thought it would be.

anything but boring!

2008-01-07T19:42:00.000-05:00

the first day of any quarter generally sucks.

and then i made gFriends. now every moment is..well...

check this out.

cheeseball

2008-01-06T19:16:00.001-05:00

i'm not really sure how it happens. one minute i'm feeling okay. secure in my relationships, confident in my abilities, and overall happy about my position in life.

then, i'm shaken. suddenly i feel disconnected. alone. insignificant.

{reader: your blog is getting me down.

sjw: sorry. this actually is going somewhere good if you'll give me a minute.

reader: make it quick or i might be tempted to go play in traffic.}

i've learned that the best way to overcome something like this is to stop focusing on myself. i force myself to think of an upcoming event or project that i can start working on. tonight's diversion: VBS 2008. i put the pictures from 007 in the scrapbook last night and was reminded of it again this morning during church.

for those of you who didn't know me very well prior to VBS last year (which actually would include many of my readers), you might not know what an impact it had on my life. what you saw: a somewhat frantic serena making an ass of herself in front of the kids and her church. what the reality was: a thankful serena learning about her community, focusing on Christ, and watching the kids grow spiritually. would i be violet and dance on stage again? in a heartbeat.

okay, so i thought i'd take a look at what theme packs are out there for vbs this year. big mistake. huge. i really should just leave it to the people who are in charge and stick to what i do best (administration/organization and performing). what i found online was mostly terrible. total cheeseball. here's what i've got:

1. god's big backyard. this one has some really great lessons. but honestly, the theme song is so cliche. decorations would be fun, though.

2. gospel light, which brought you the infamous sonforce kids, has son harvest county fair. again, great lessons. but, country music? um...no. {although a small part of me thinks it would be really fun to take on an ellie mae type character, square dance, and "yee-haw" at the top of my lungs. i'm kidding!}

3. amazon expedition. honestly, i think that if we did this i would forego vbs this year. one of the songs has the following lyric: "there's some people spreading rumors man just sprang up from the sea. they say there is no god above, so who made you and me?". um, yeah. because i totally believe we should politicize church. i have ZERO interest in taking on the "creation v. evolution" debate at vbs. geeze.

4. outrigger island. this looks like a blast and i like the curriculum. i just wonder if they'd let me wear a coconut bra and a grass skirt...or maybe we could bring in a fire dancer. woo!

5. SERENA'S FAVORITE: power lab. after looking over group's website, i don't have anything negative to say. this would be so much fun! and what i love about it is completely focused on stories about Jesus. awesome. and i can completely see the need for smoke, lights and magic tricks (not that i know anyone who would like to see that happen). it looks like this one would also reach both girls and boys.

yep. i feel much better now. centered. focused.

2008 vbs? bring it!

i've been away for too long

2008-01-05T00:27:00.000-05:00

um...i don't watch tv much. in fact, tonight i watched the late show for the first time in years. no, seriously. years.

so i have a few questions.

why did letterman grow a beard?
what the hell is that on the top of donald trump's head? ew.
viva viagra? i totally didn't see that coming. has anyone else caught that commercial? gosh, i wish i had paid more attention to the lyrics of the verses and less time commenting on how horrible the actors were.
why is weather "a story"? what a stupid, stupid promo for WOWK.
where do they find some of these people on the commercials? the last time i watched tv, i remember seeing attractive people...
shooter jennings? his albums actually sell? oh. my. lord.

man, oh, man. at lest letterman's top ten was good. i swore that if it had been about the writer's strike i was going to turn the tv off.

and let me just say that i am terribly unimpressed with the dude on the late late show. horrible tie tonight. horrible.

i really don't think i've been missing anything by not watching television.

next time we have people over, we're sticking to movies. or rock band. and i'll buy more oreos.

first day

2008-01-02T12:32:00.000-05:00

and there she goes.

new year, new parenting stage. i had posted about our transition a little while back and the big day has finally arrived. really, it was much easier than i thought it would be. maya, always the spirited, out-going child, walked into her pre-school like she owned the place. she hung up her coat as i packed/unpacked a few of her things and made her way into the drop-off room. she said hello to the two other children there, looked the toys over briefly and ran to the easel to paint. amazing. i told her goodbye as i was leaving. without looking away from her painting, she said "okay. bye mom!"

of course, the morning was not uneventful. it had snowed a bit overnight and our county was under a level 2 snow advisory (meaning the roads are opened, but in poor condition). this didn't phase me because the University only closes when we're under a level 3 (meaning the roads are impassible). as we were coming into a-town, i thought it might be good to turn the radio on. um, yeah. you've probably guessed it. pre-school was on a one hour delay. it was too late to turn around and go home, so i took maya into my office until the pre-school opened. i was glad to spend that time with her.

*sigh* time to go back to work. fortunately, blogging at lunch has provided enough of a distraction that i've been able to fight the urge to call the pre-school and check in....

resolved

2007-12-30T08:35:00.001-05:00

new year's resolutions. i don't usually make resolutions as i have a great disdain for failure and i've found that resolutions are inevitably unmet or forgotten/broken by the time january 15 comes around. but since it's good to have goals, this year i'm doing it. i've put some thought into it. my resolutions have to be...different. nothing like these. resolutions that matter.

here's what i've come up with:

1. volunteer.
i have been thinking about getting involved with good works senior care program. this is something i want to do with maya.

2. create.
i love to scrapbook. i don't have the patience or time to make stunning pages. but i do like to create simple books about our family. just the day-to-day stuff we do. it's great to look back at the pictures and remember things we've done together. i would like to set aside one saturday morning a month to work on my scrapbooks.

3. release.
forgiveness is not something that i'm good at. it's a defense on my part; to forgive someone means you are allowing them to hurt you again. it's risky. i don't generally forgive myself for mistakes i've made or things i've left undone. worse still, i find it hard to truly forgiving people that i care about (which does and does not make sense - funny how that works). so, i'd like to practice the act of forgiveness more. maybe someday it will become second nature.

that's that. i considered making five resolutions, but i really don't have the energy or time to be an overachiever anymore. three seems like a good number.

i'll be counting down to 2008 tomorrow night with friends (my little sis is watching maya while we party. hooray for adult conversation!). so, happy new year everyone! here's a virtual toast to hope, health, and friendship. and potential resolution failures, of course. :)

hanging out & shopping from the couch

2007-12-28T10:20:00.000-05:00

what have i been doing on my week off? singing, dancing, coloring, having tea parties and cleaning the house.

in the evenings, ty and i have been playing rock band. awesome game. the drums are pretty challenging and i was a little disappointed that the vocal part isn't karaoke. but, the guitar packaged with the game is way cool and it's fun to play the bass line (you can use the guitar hero guitar with rock band, but it doesn't work the other way around). the songs are great, too - music from REM, fall out boy, garbage, and foo fighters. sweet.

i've also been trying to decide what to spend the christmas dough on. i was thinking of getting some scrapbook supplies (like this for maya's disney book, or this to help keep my scrapping space organized, or maybe this). i've also been thinking about going digital with my scrapbooking and have found some software that doesn't look too hooky. of course, i could also get pse and purchase digital kits. hmmm...decisions, decisions.

oh, and today i'd like to be celebrating "no interruptions day", but that's highly unlikely given that i'm hanging out with a three year old.

just one minute without interruption?
please?
no?
fine.

peace

2007-12-25T20:37:00.000-05:00

the running is finished. the leftovers are in the refrigerator. the torn wrapping paper has been taken out of the house, along with the now-empty boxes. my child is asleep and i am sitting on the couch by the tree.

i thought i'd post the lyrics to one of the very few christmas songs i like. it may, in fact, be the only christmas song i truly love. i know, i know. i may be the only person in the western world that dislikes holiday tunes. they just seem so cliche and, well....empty. that sounds horrible, but songs like joy to the world, what child is this, silent night - they just don't speak to me.

so, without further ado, i give you the lyrics (verses one, three, and five in english) to what i consider the absolute best christmas song ever composed and the one that i always think of as christmas day comes to an end.

O Come, O Come Emmanuel

O come, O come, Emmanuel

And ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here

Until the Son of God appear

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer

Our spirits by Thine advent here

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night

And death's dark shadows put to flight.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, O come, Thou Lord of might,

Who to Thy tribes, on Sinai's height,

In ancient times did'st give the Law,

In cloud, and majesty and awe.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel.

merry christmas, friends. i hope you have all been able to find a moment of peace today.

transition

2007-12-22T19:45:00.001-05:00

we took maya to miss shirley's home for the last time yesterday. as i pulled out of her driveway, i found myself fighting back tears. shirley has watched maya since june 2005. (our first child care provider also had an in-home day care. she moved to california. i was traumatized. seriously.) her house became maya's second home. shirley encouraged maya's development. she helped maya learn to walk, taught her to put her coat on by herself and guided us through potty training. she would periodically take care of maya free of charge so ty and i could go out on dates. i could call her whenever i needed advice. she encouraged me as a mother.

maya is off to pre-school on jan. 2. we've visited the pre-school twice and love it. i know she'll do well and that she's ready to go. i just wish she were starting there because we felt it was time; not because we were losing shirley.

and a side note about being a mother who works outside her home. (i hate the phrase "working-mother". all mothers work and my job does not come before my motherhood.) i've heard women say that working outside your home once you have children means that someone else raises them. the truth is, i'm happy to have had someone helping me care for maya. i chose shirley. i knew she was perfect. and her experience with children was invaluable. my daughter would not be the same person without the influence of shirley's care. no, i haven't raised my daughter alone. but knowing that she is bright, healthy, and extremely well-adjusted, i wouldn't have it any other way.

so a chapter of maya's life closes and a new one begins. i enter a new phase of parenting.

if only transitions weren't so painful.

bummer

2007-12-19T13:00:00.000-05:00

stuck in bed with your annual bout of asthmatic bronchitis? well friend, break out the z-pack, eat some chicken noodle soup, crack open the laptop and wait to feel better. here are a few things that you can do to keep busy (and informed!) during your recovery:

1. read your favorite comic and laugh until you've coughed up the crap in your chest.

2. think you feel bad now? just wait until the world comes to an end. (guess it's time to stockpile the canned good and dried milk. aren't you glad you visited {miSnomer} today?)

3. find the most romantic spots to visit on your up-coming european vacation. i'm sure kissing is even better when in rome! (me? kiss ty in public? not normally, but...)

4. search for ideas on the scrapbook project you've been dying to do but haven't been inspired to start yet.

5. learn more about your friend's pyromania. (yes, i mean you. great post on a rough day.)

6. fall asleep blogging and dream about all the work that's waiting for you back in the office.

the BEST present ever

2007-12-16T20:06:00.001-05:00

we were hanging out after church today and mdog handed me a present. she said she couldn't pass up getting it for me. i was a little frightened and pretty excited as i tore the paper. underneath was....

a "what would a zombie do" folder. WWZD. in my favorite color, no less. amazing.

in case you can't see the image well, there's a spinning arm that points to various things zombies might do while roaming a city (now you know why i live in the country!). eat brains, drool, hunt the living, decompose, reek, moonwalk (my personal favorite!), plod, rise from the grave, moan, devour flesh, force entry and congregate. how cool.

not only that, but there are zombie conversions listed on the inside. very helpful. i mean, everyone should know that 1 pounds of brains = 454 grams of brains. Three feet of spinal cord = .91 meters of spinal cord. A zombie corpse burning at 1600 degrees F = a zombie corpse burning at 871 degrees C.

functional (i've been needing something to keep my Ad Board notes in) and fun. best present. ever. thanks, mdog!!!!

not much to look at

2007-12-14T12:53:00.000-05:00

okay. i know i have have unusual taste. i don't find tom cruise, brad pitt, or most of the hollywood types attractive.

i don't think john mayer is that good looking either. just so you know. this isn't some "swoon when i see him" thing. blech. and i don't typically like songs with repetitive lyrics, but i'm digging his new single.

yeah. he rocks.

strange holiday happenings...

2007-12-12T14:21:00.000-05:00

i was having a discussion with a coworker when we heard the sound of jingle bells. some dude had dressed up like an elf - face paint, ears and all - and was passing out candy in my office. i assume he had been through my building, but i'm not sure...

a grown man. dressed as an elf. gave me candy.

i didn't eat it.

be afraid....

2007-12-10T10:43:00.000-05:00

thanks to mdog for sharing this breaking news with me.

you all know from a previous post that i have no fear of zombies. i'm certain that i'll be able to hold my own when the undead virus attacks a multitude of humans. but, zombie cockroaches? self-destructing grasshoppers? wow. i'm not sure i'm prepared for that.

the golden compass and misdirection

2007-12-09T18:26:00.000-05:00

i received an email that's been circulating about the movie "The Golden Compass" three times. a focus on the family ministry published an article about the books called "sympathy for the devil". honestly, any book (or in this case, a trilogy) that causes such a stir is immediately pushed to the top of my must-read list.

i finished The Golden Compass last night. i must say that it's an excellent read if you enjoy fantasy. the story is captivating and i found myself more emotionally invested in the characters than usual.

it's difficult to sum up a book that's roughly 400 pages in length and do the book any justice. but, i'll try. in a nutshell, the book is about the journey of a young girl (Lyra) who finds herself in the midst of a battle that she doesn't understand. the story is set in a parallel world, so there is as much familiar as there is unfamiliar to the reader. in this world, an organization that is referred to as a church controls england. children are being kidnapped and you find (no surprises here) that the church is responsible. experiments are being conducted to see if it is possible to prevent people from being effected by "dust" (which is explained as particles that the church believes represents original sin) before reaching adulthood. a bridge to the world from which the dust comes has been found and the end of the story leaves Lyra daring to cross to the other world alone.

of course the church is extremely perverse and the distinction between good and evil is blurred. the story is presented from a worldview that does not reflect all the values of the christian faith. i agree with reviews of the books that say it is not appropriate for children, but only to the extent that you allow them to read it without discussion in your family. when maya is 12, i will have no problem with her reading this story.

why?

because i believe that my influence, ty's influence, and the influence of our community and friends is greater than a book maya might read. because i am not at all afraid of or concerned about any book, movie, or music that disagrees with what i know to be true. because i will not shelter myself or my daughter from the voices of people who do not know god. she and i must coexist with them and learn to love them. it would be against the teaching of christ to do otherwise.

The Golden Compass is a product of the world i live in and is partially a product of the atrocities that have been committed in the name of religion. i think we should refuse to live here with the fear or anger that's been expressed by others in response to anything 'worldly' that runs counter to our faith. my concern that the display of outrage by the 'righteous' in reaction to the book/movie would make the pharisees of jesus' day proud far outweighs any concern i have of this book turning me or my child into an atheist.

let's not lose sight of what truly matters.

*if anyone wants to discuss the book in more detail, feel free to email me. sjwolfester@gmail.com

you mean god's not angry?

2007-12-06T12:45:00.001-05:00

so, here is my review of rob bell's "the gods aren't angry" tour. i attended in cleveland, oh on 12/1.

i was introduced to rob bell's teaching/work last year in my small group. we started our study (on feminism - gasp!) with velvet elvis. i loved it. i was examining my faith at the time and found this book to be extremely helpful. i read sex god (i was a little put off by the title but got over it after a few friends read it and said it was great) last spring. so, when i was asked if i'd like to go hear rob bell speak in cleveland, i jumped on the chance.

before i begin sharing my thoughts on his talk, let me make three important statements.

1. there are A LOT of bell critics out there, some of whom accuse bell of heresy. i've read what they had to say and have given their viewpoints much thought.

2. i'm assuming that bell's audience is the "churched". opertaing under this assumption leads me to interpret what he had to say differently than i would had this been an evangelical outreach event.

3. i've grown up under fairly legalistic, conservative teaching and found that i carried a great deal of guilt and constantly wondered if i truly was a "christian" or if god even loved me. i reached closure on my doubts before going to hear bell speak.

as i've thought about my faith over the past two years, i've looked for something more meaningful than fire insurance. don't get me wrong - the promise of heaven, the knowledge that i am right with god and that my sin does not separate me from him - all of the typical evangelic beliefs about salvation are good and contain truth. however, i could see no impact upon my present life, other than the burden of the expectation that the spirit would help me lead a life that is pleasing to god and would help me reach out to the lost.

yes - burden is exactly the word i meant to use. i could never meet the expectations. although i believed all the right things and desperately wanted to please god, i failed again and again. and of course, this failure obviously meant that i either lacked faith in the spirit or wasn't 'saved'.

wrong.

and this, my friends, is what bell's talk addressed. the underlying fear, guilt, and anxiety that our need to please god can bring. we feel we have to do something to win his favor (and the favor of the 'christian' community) and what we end up doing is never enough. in all of this doing, we end up missing out on the life god offers. we end up focusing on the wrong thing and it prevents us from sharing god's love and grace with others.

we do not serve a god who is angry with us and we are now free to live without fear. we are free to be driven by love. that sums up what bell had to say. i'm sure that god is grieved when i make mistakes, just as i am when my daughter does something i've asked her not to do. but i don't keep record of my daughter's disobedience (even when she's 'disobeyed' without understanding that she did so). and if i, in all my imperfection, am able to do this, i can't imagine the forgiveness and love god has to offer.

and if you haven't already read velvet elvis, do so. immediately. well, okay...since you read all of my rambling, i suppose you can rest your eyes until tomorrow.

Um...

2007-12-04T18:23:00.000-05:00

i received the most interesting piece of mail today. i suspect that ty is somehow involved, because i have no idea how this organization would otherwise have my name...

the letter read, "Dear Serena, Our records show that you haven't yet registered for the benefits of AARP membership, even though you are fully eligible." there was a temporary membership card included with a reply by date of 1/23/2008.

last time i checked, 2007 - 1977 did NOT = 50.

WTF?!?

evil

2007-12-03T07:55:00.000-05:00

you can see it coming.

you’re standing in the room off to one side, waiting. waiting. waiting. you know a few people around you. maybe. you’re trying to look comfortable, even though you’d rather be having your wisdom teeth cut out right now.

can’t this just be over already?

it’s time for whatever event you’re attending to begin. someone with a wide, toothy smile walks either into the center or front of the room and says, “okay everyone! welcome to [insert your event here]. how is everyone today?” it’s your overly enthusiastic, outgoing event leader.

the event leader was probably a residence hall assistant or in a greek organization during college. (these types, by the way, enroll in college student personnel after undergrad and take several touchy-feely courses that don’t teach them anything significant about the business or academic functioning of a college/university. they drive the administrative types over the edge.) and because the leader believes in having everyone make a meaningful contribution to the event that you may or may not be attending by choice, it’s time to team build. establish trust amongst the minions. encourage discussion.

“we’re going to start off today with a quick exercise to get to know one another.”

groan.

i hate ice-breakers. hate. as the Plain White T’s song says, it’s a strong word, but I really, really, really don’t like them. (“Hate (I really don’t like you)” is a terrific song.) what prompts such loathing?

well, there's the obvious. i’m an introvert. yes, a high-functioning one, but an introvert all the same. depending on how many people i will be forced to interact with, i may be completed overwhelmed and exhausted by the time the game is over.

there are at least 50 other reasons to hate icebreakers. i’ll give you five. they are in no particular order.

1. i find most icebreakers are insulting. i’m an educated, working, married woman who has given birth. it’s not that i take myself too seriously, but there are just some things i don’t think i should be asked to do around people i don’t know. you want to put a note card on my back that has the name of an object or person and then have me wonder around the room, asking questions in attempt to guess what the object or who the person is? do i look like a third-grader? no. i’ll pass.

2. i’ve also found that many icebreakers demonstrate the ignorance of people you’re with, which is frustrating there’s always the person present who doesn’t know that Richard Starkey Jr. was Ringo Starr – the drummer for the Beatles. or they don’t know that Rome is a city – not a country. sigh.

3. common questions asked in icebreakers are just plain stupid. like i care what anyone says they would do with one million dollars or what animal they would be if they could choose. i’ll forget in 30 seconds anyway. if you're not my friend, i don't need this information to interact with you.

4. if i have a name tag (here's a treat for my iFriends), i’m going to assume everyone in the room is literate and i will under no circumstances introduce myself. read my damn name tag if you want to know who i am. either that or don’t make me wear the stupid thing (the best option, really).

5. you want to encourage team building or trust? no way. you can’t do it in 15 minutes. unless, of course, your idea of team building involves a game of Halo! if you’re on my team, i'll cover your back. if you’re not on my team, i’ll ask your name before i snipe you. i promise.

so friends, the message i’m sending here is that i prefer to talk to whom i want when i want. i don’t want to play your silly games and i don’t want to get to know the people in the room. sit down, shut up and let’s get the event started.

remember people….you voted for this!

home

2007-12-03T07:35:00.000-05:00

hooray! everyone survived. the conference was good, rob bell was awesome (i am now the owner of an autographed copy of both velvet elvis and sex god - woo hoo!), but really, coming home was the highlight of my week. i was sitting on the couch last night when maya ran up to me, threw her arms around my neck and said, "i'm so happy you are home, mommy!"

i haven't forgotten the ice breaker posting. it's coming right up!

the polls are almost closed

2007-11-29T11:23:00.000-05:00

i haven't been able to do any blogging this week so far due to being away. the conference is going really well. reminds me of why i love my job.

but evidently my job isn't something you want to hear about! looks like i'll be posting a rant on icebreakers (which should be banned based upon the UN Convention against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment). anyone who has a particular icebreaking game they would like me to address should post a comment.

this will be great fun.

miss you all in OH. until my next posting....

Serena (yep, those starbucks folks always get my name right)

preparation and reflection

2007-11-24T17:21:00.000-05:00

i always wait until the last minute. laundry is still running, nothing is gathered up. but at least i've mapped out what i'm going to take in my mind. i suppose that's the hard part, right?

so i'll be leaving tomorrow. i'm packing the laptop, of course, and i will probably blog at least once while i'm gone. i love that i'll be able to video chat with ty and maya.

traveling isn't something i've done a lot of. many of you reading this don't know much about my background. you know where i went to college (maybe), that i married and live near my family. what i don't talk about is my childhood. it wasn't bad, but my family was pretty poor. upper lower class, i suppose. we didn't normally get new school clothes and when we did they certainly weren't brand name. we wore shoes until they had holes in them. literally. both of my parents worked, but they didn't make much. even when things got better, money was always tight. i remember once when my mom was coming to visit me at school, she asked me if i needed anything. i told her i could use some new socks (another thing we wore until they fell apart). she told me she didn't have the money. for socks.

socks.

i can't imagine what it must have been like to not be able to easily provide your children's necessities, let alone things they want.

i also struggle with the fact that i earned more than both of my parents combined during my first year of employment.

back to traveling. since paying bills was challenging enough, trips were rare. we took a few when i was young - to Disney World a couple of times and to the ocean with my grandparents. the last family vacation we took happened when i was in fifth grade. we went to virginia to see my 'uncle's' (actually my second cousin) change of command. i had never been further west than tennessee. i certainly never travelled abroad. to this day, i still have not been to the majority of states and i haven't ever left the States.

i suppose this explains a great deal about me, really. i'm uncomfortable in more formal social settings because it's a bit foreign to me. i lack some self-confidence when i speak to large audiences (even after seven years of presentations to large groups). and although i enjoyed it, i have NEVER felt more out of place than i did when ty and i had dinner at victoria and albert's. of course, the people near us who referred to a 3,000 sq ft home as a 'chanty' didn't help (our home is just over 1,500. it was an intentional choice.)

disclosure. that was fun. i'm off now to pack and play some games with the family.

hey people - make sure you vote in my poll. lurkers included. i'll be sad if i have only one vote come wednesday!

insomnia

2007-11-22T03:05:00.000-05:00

it sucks. (isn't it amazing the stupid things that seem funny in the early morning?)

i've read that if you can't sleep you shouldn't just stay in bed. so here i am, just after 3a, totally awake. blah.

thoughts running through my mind:

there's nothing like getting ready to be out of the office. deadlines, deadlines, deadlines. stress stress stress. today (technically yesterday now) was my last day in for almost two weeks. granted, two of those days are holidays so no one is there. anyway, no matter how much i attempt to get done before my last day in, something always, ALWAYS comes up last minute. a program isn't working. a student has a crisis. i get a sudden onslaught of email. but it does always work out in the end. i left with only one email/situation unresolved and no phone calls. correspondence up to date, programs ready to run.

it would have been great if baker center hadn't closed by the time i left the office. it was raining, i had a ton of stuff that i was carrying and i couldn't cut through the building. had to take the steps at the side of baker, which aren't incredibly well lit. grrrr

snoring annoys me. my dogs snore horribly. i can hear them now. time to break out the headphones.

i had to stop at the grocery store on the way home today. big mistake. it was SO crowded! ah...nothing like last minute shopping.

i think i'm going to take maya to see "Enchanted" on friday. having a three year old is overall good. she's finally able to start doing things with us that we enjoy. simple video games, movies, hide and seek. it's excellent. and she's starting to draw people, granted, they are just heads on a stick right now, but you've got to start somewhere!

i'm probably going to see "The Golden Compass" just because i've received this stupid email three times now. should it really bother me that much that there are people in this world who

i need to figure out what i'm doing for Christmas cards this year.

i need to get some scrapbooking done! i'm only up to June in our 2007 book and it will be time to start next year's album before i know it.

insomnia sucks.

evolving blog

2007-11-18T22:43:00.000-05:00

really, now. if i feel that i must continually redefine myself (at least that's how it's seemed to happen over the last five years of my life) why shouldn't my blog change from time to time? *sigh*

quick recap of {miSnomer} changes: created in October after one previously failed attempt at blogging. i think i used two of blogger's templates (maybe) before picking one up from Pyzam, which is still the best source for free templates, in my opinion. but i'm sick of the two column layout. so, i found some code for a three column page and tweaked the colors. i have decided to show my face (right side of the page) and keep a few running lists of things i love, things i hate, and things i'm currently into.

i can't believe i have spent more time on this than playing games tonight. geeze. time to go immerse myself in a little assassin's creed. later people!

chainsaw + locust = therapy

2007-11-17T19:47:00.000-05:00

i love video games. i totally suck at them, but i love them still.

my current fav game has to be guitar hero 2. hands down. i like the songs in GH2 much better than GH3. and battle mode in GH3 doesn't take any real 'skill'. just luck. (although playing barracuda rocks! all together now, "oooooo, barracuda!" yes.)

also tried my hand at gears of war today. whoa! keep in mind that the last shooter that i really poured myself into was halo. that's right - the first one. this was before grad school. pre-motherhood. a lot has changed in games since then. a LOT. my little bro played the combat with me. it was great, but i was a little...overwhelmed. he says i'll get better. he's a great liar. he knows i'm wack.

we picked up project gotham racing 4 and, of course, halo 3. i haven't tried my hand at either yet. i'm sure that GOW will be more than enough to keep me busy for a while. next purchase: assassin's creed.

so, i'm in video-game-bliss-land for the time being and it's great. the best part? knowing i'm getting ready to teach my daughter to play. tonight as i was rocking it out on GH2, she comes up beside me and says, "mommy, I gonna kick you's butt". that's my girl.

oh yeah. one more thing i've learned this weekend: don't chug blue moon. yuck. seriously. gross. it was good for a laugh though. ty and mdog got quite the kick out of it.

my top 10 movies {in honor of Ty Behind the Scenes}

2007-11-16T10:01:00.000-05:00

in no particular order:

the princess bride
the very thought of you
the empire strikes back
the departed
spider-man
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
what dreams may come
batman begins
edward scissorhands
high fidelity

i must add that casino royale, deja vu, unbreakable and halloween (2007) will probably bump some movies out of my top ten (i can see "what dreams may come", "edward scissorhands", and "eternal sunshine" losing their place to any of these newer flicks, should the new ones stand the test of time...)

bring on the popcorn!

guess who is blogging?!?

2007-11-15T18:15:00.000-05:00

ty!

looks like he's decided that he has something to say after all.

in other news: this has been a crappy week. for the few of you who read this and have listened to me dump, offered your good counsel, cheered me up or prayed for me, thanks. seriously. i don't know if everything in life has purpose because there are so many things that just don't make sense. but i absolutely believe that i'm surrounded by all of you for a reason. it's awesome to be dealing with something so difficult and know that i'm not doing this alone.

whoa. a warm-fuzzy from serena. everyone mark your calendars because it doesn't happen often!

alone in my car

2007-11-14T22:16:00.000-05:00

morning smiles
like the face of a newborn child
innocent, unknowing.
winter’s end
promises of a long lost friend
speaks to me of comfort

but I fear
i have nothing to give.
i have so much to lose
here in this lonely place
tangled up in our embrace
there’s nothing i’d like
better than to fall.
but i fear i have nothing to give.

-"Fear" Sarah McLachlan

{miSnomer} revealed!

2007-11-13T11:31:00.000-05:00

okay, so i've intentionally NOT put my name on this site or on any other blog that i comment on. i've wanted to remain fairly anonymous. until now. this is too good and must go on {miSnomer}.

my brother was over this weekend and was showing off his site on my space. he had this cute little "me as a drink" box posted. i went to the page that generates the cocktail recipe and couldn't believe the instructions on "how to make a serena"

here's what the box said:
1 part competitiveness
3 parts arrogance
3 parts empathy

wow. so, maybe my name isn't a misnomer after all!

i did show the box to a girlfriend at work. she's so sweet. she questioned the arrogance part (and having worked with me for seven years, i was surprised that she didn't think that was right on. i'll be the first to admit that i'm a little - okay sometimes a lot - arrogant at work. it's only because i'm good at what i do. hehehe). anyway, she said to replace it with self-sufficiency. she also said to bump up the competitiveness. so, i did tweak the serena recipe just a bit. i think i should have added silliness, too, but then the recipe would become too complicated. of course, i have a great affinity for all things complicated...

shoes

2007-11-10T00:41:00.000-05:00

okay. it's super late. actually it's early morning....

i just wanted to post quickly about my day. which i'm only doing because it's meaningful to me.

went to easton with a girlfriend to do a little shopping and see a move (the deaths of ian stone. excellent!). we had a great time. here's the kicker. girlfriend is probably the most 'girly' of all my female friends. she's smart, beautiful, funny and pretty trendy. i love her. anyway, when we were heading out of town, she told me that she wanted to go shopping for...

shoes.

you can imagine my inner initial reaction.

but then i tried on a pair of purple, leather, knee-high, high-heeled boots. that's right. pointed toes and everything. similar to these. seriously.

true love.

if they hadn't been $70 (which isn't bad, i know. but i wanted to get other things and something had to give) i actually would have bought them. me? a shoe girl? maybe.

i need to shop with my BFF more often. she's awesome. let's just hope ty likes the things i walked out of the stores with. i'm thinking that the transformers shirt will be a hit, but the orange and yellow argyle shirt won't be. i am certain that my victoria's secret will go over very well...

questions that guide my morning

2007-11-07T21:38:00.000-05:00

what day is this?
how long can i sleep in and still be to work by eight?

god?

which bottle is the shampoo in?
did i already wash my hair?

what should i wear today?
where are my shoes?!?

what should my daughter wear today?
why can't my daughter dress herself yet?

where are my keys?
am i forgetting anything?
did i lock the door?
do i have my keys?
did i lock the door?

why does it take us five minutes to get in the car and pull out of the driveway?
can't we listen to something other than bible school music?
where am i going to park?
how late am i?

can't my computer start up any faster?
what is bob's (desktop support) phone number?

do i really have to change this password?
didn't i just change the password last month?
how am i supposed to remember all of these stinkin' passwords?!?

what will my gmail status be this morning?

is my student here for his/her appointment yet?
do i have time to get a chai tea?

why are people asking me if i have a case of the mondays?

didn't you get that email?
didn't you just ask me this yesterday?

do you really think that rephrasing your question will result in me giving a different answer?

isn't it lunchtime yet?

for my iFriends

2007-11-05T12:57:00.000-05:00

i have a confession. a deep dark secret that only fellow mac users can understand. it's an obsession. an addiction. i try to stop, but i can't.

i love widgets.

that's right. those stupid little programs that you only see if you hit F12. love them. i've spent hours downloading, updating, and arranging them.

in honor of what may be apple's most addictive technology, here are my top ten favorite widgets:

1. Ask Dave - because i'm often very indecisive
2. Chi Pet - because i can! and it periodically says cute things.
3. XKCD Factoring the Time - oh yeah. sweet. nerd heaven.
4. Plasma Tube - and it comes in purple. how pretty!
5. Leopard Tricks - it will be helpful for a while.
6. Rotten Tomatoes - my favorite movie site as a widget. wonderful!
7. English to Pirate Translator - just to make emails interesting...
8. Apple Logo - it does nothing but sit there. however, it looks cool up in the corner of my desktop.
9. Widget Update - must have.
10 The Easy Button - brings back memories!

so there you have it. tales of a mac newbie. iCult rocks.

(BTW, i hear that widgets are available for windows vista. i cannot confirm nor deny. if so, very nice!)